As this world progresses, we feel more and more alienated from this world. We feel that we are not able to keep up with the rapid pace of this world, and we fall behind in technology, fashion, trends and thoughts. We no longer feel that we are 'part' of this world, rather we feel alienated and living in our own worlds or "no man's lands".
And as the world consumes more and more of our time, whether through work or through keeping up with the world's progress (which results in us taking computer courses for example), we feel more and more alienated from ourselves. Sometimes we are so busy that we don't know who are anymore, let alone what we want out of life. We realise that we are very busy doing things to try to enable us to 'belong' or 'fit' into this world (such as work or education), but in order for us to eliminate our alienation from the world, we have, in effect, alienated ourselves from our own personal being. And as we strive to rediscover ourselves, we may want to do so many things to redevelop ourselves into a person we really want ourselves to be, and given our limited time and resources, it is likely that we are not able to achieve this to a satisfactory level. This failure to rediscover our personal being and develop ourselves will reinforce our sense of alienation from our personal being.
Maybe it is this sense of alienation that will lift us from this world and enable us to realise that we are not made for this world.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
Alienation... 2
Humans are relational beings. It is this desire to develop relations with others and the failure to achieve this that we feel alienated from the people around us and from this world.
However, what is a true relationship? What is true connection with one another?
Sometimes, the people that know you best may not be the ones that we form a connection to. Sometimes a connection is formed with people that we only have a superficial relationship with. For example, we may feel a connection or closeness with a person that shares a common interest with us, even though that person does not know a thing about our inner feelings or struggles. On the other hand, our connection with a person who knows us well and who we trust and confide our problems to may just be limited to the fact that the person is merely a channel for us to express our emotions, and we may not really form a connection with that person on another level.
Maybe it is this irony that makes us feel more alienated. The people we form a connection to may not be able to help us through our struggles and problems. The people who may be able to help us through our struggles and problems may not be the ones who we feel we are connected to. In the end, we feel like being stuck in a "no man's land", where noone can really get through to us, and we are all alone, alienated, and detached from the people and the world around us.
The true irony of this fact is that our world is actually made up of millions of "no man's land", and each person is standing in their own "no man's land" and not able to see that right next to them is another person standing in their own "no man's land".
However, what is a true relationship? What is true connection with one another?
Sometimes, the people that know you best may not be the ones that we form a connection to. Sometimes a connection is formed with people that we only have a superficial relationship with. For example, we may feel a connection or closeness with a person that shares a common interest with us, even though that person does not know a thing about our inner feelings or struggles. On the other hand, our connection with a person who knows us well and who we trust and confide our problems to may just be limited to the fact that the person is merely a channel for us to express our emotions, and we may not really form a connection with that person on another level.
Maybe it is this irony that makes us feel more alienated. The people we form a connection to may not be able to help us through our struggles and problems. The people who may be able to help us through our struggles and problems may not be the ones who we feel we are connected to. In the end, we feel like being stuck in a "no man's land", where noone can really get through to us, and we are all alone, alienated, and detached from the people and the world around us.
The true irony of this fact is that our world is actually made up of millions of "no man's land", and each person is standing in their own "no man's land" and not able to see that right next to them is another person standing in their own "no man's land".
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Alienation
Alot of times we are too self absorbed in our own problems and issues. When we talk to others, we tend to talk about ourselves. We want others to listen to us. When others talk about themselves, our minds may be too self absorbed in our own issues to understand the concerns of others. We treat the problems of others as trivial, and we long for others to recognise that our problems should take priority over theirs because we perceive our problems to be greater. The sad thing is that everyone thinks the same way, and so it seems to us that noone listens to us or understands us, which results in our feeling of alienation from people and from the world. This phenomenon, coupled with the fact that we may be too self absorbed to care about others around us, may result in us not wanting to talk to others, fuelling the feeling of alienation from this world.
Ironically, this feeling of alienation and the desire to escape from our problems is what connects people together in this post-modern world. It is a shame that most of us don't realise this.
Ironically, this feeling of alienation and the desire to escape from our problems is what connects people together in this post-modern world. It is a shame that most of us don't realise this.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Desperado
Desperado. When we reach a certain age in our life, all of us are desperate for a partner in life. Someone who can care and love us, and someone who we can love and care for.
Some people will resort to finding anyone to be their partner for life for the fear that it will be harder to look for a partner as their age increases. However, finding a partner is a very important process. If you choose the wrong person, you are stuck with that person for the rest of your life (on the presumption that separation or divorce is not available). Why should we lower our expectation or standards as we grow older? Of course, if you are 40 years old, and you expect to find a girl that is 16 years old, that may be an unrealistic expectation. But if you expect to find a partner who is humble and full of fraternity, why should you lower this expectation even though you are older?
I had a dream last night. A girl I liked a few years ago but havn't seen since came up to me and wanted me to be with her. But I already have someone else in my mind now. In the dream, I ended up being with that girl i liked a few years ago as I knew she was a guaranteed partner, whereas I am not even sure whether the girl I currently like has the same feelings for me. The first question I asked myself when I woke up from this dream was whether I am really a desperado.
Desperdo, why don't you come to your senses?
Some people will resort to finding anyone to be their partner for life for the fear that it will be harder to look for a partner as their age increases. However, finding a partner is a very important process. If you choose the wrong person, you are stuck with that person for the rest of your life (on the presumption that separation or divorce is not available). Why should we lower our expectation or standards as we grow older? Of course, if you are 40 years old, and you expect to find a girl that is 16 years old, that may be an unrealistic expectation. But if you expect to find a partner who is humble and full of fraternity, why should you lower this expectation even though you are older?
I had a dream last night. A girl I liked a few years ago but havn't seen since came up to me and wanted me to be with her. But I already have someone else in my mind now. In the dream, I ended up being with that girl i liked a few years ago as I knew she was a guaranteed partner, whereas I am not even sure whether the girl I currently like has the same feelings for me. The first question I asked myself when I woke up from this dream was whether I am really a desperado.
Desperdo, why don't you come to your senses?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Perspective
Thoughts of two people
Person A:
"I am a lonely person. I don't have much friends. I don't know why. Ever since I was young noone wants to hang around me. I am not good at school. I am not cool and trendy like some of the other guys. No girls have ever liked me before. In some sense I am scared of people. They always seem to look down on me. I just want to fit ito a group. I just want to have some friends. I also want a girlfriend. Is this wrong?"
Person B:
"I can't stand that guy. He is just weird. When you try to be nice and talk to him, he sometimes just walks away. He seems to like staying close to girls - too close in fact - and likes to brush past them or touch them inappropriately. No wonder why noone likes him. Why is he here? He is making everyone so uncomfortable. Why doesn't he just leave us alone?"
Should we be more accomodating towards a person we can't stand? But what about if other people are involved? How can we show love to a person who seems to harm other people even though it may be due to his background or charcter?
Person A:
"I am a lonely person. I don't have much friends. I don't know why. Ever since I was young noone wants to hang around me. I am not good at school. I am not cool and trendy like some of the other guys. No girls have ever liked me before. In some sense I am scared of people. They always seem to look down on me. I just want to fit ito a group. I just want to have some friends. I also want a girlfriend. Is this wrong?"
Person B:
"I can't stand that guy. He is just weird. When you try to be nice and talk to him, he sometimes just walks away. He seems to like staying close to girls - too close in fact - and likes to brush past them or touch them inappropriately. No wonder why noone likes him. Why is he here? He is making everyone so uncomfortable. Why doesn't he just leave us alone?"
Should we be more accomodating towards a person we can't stand? But what about if other people are involved? How can we show love to a person who seems to harm other people even though it may be due to his background or charcter?
Saturday, June 18, 2005
A simple life
Sometimes the simple things in life are the best things in life. The following is an example of simple moments in my life that have been entrenched in my memory:
1. Simple family dinners where all family members are present
2. Falling asleep as a baby in the arms of parents or grandparents
3. Reading a novel on a couch on a Saturday afternoon
4. Walking around the block early in the morning and breathing in the fresh morning air
5. Walking along the beach at sunset with my girlfriend
6. Listening to favourite songs in the car with my girlfriend
7. Telephone conversations with close friends from night until the break of dawn
8. Sitting around and gossiping with collegues after a firm function
9. Sitting around the piano or a guitar singing Christian songs
10. Playing out my emotions on the piano by myself
11. Buying Italian cold cuts from a local deli in Rome
12. Sitting in a mamak store in KL in the middle of the night talking to friends
13. Eating fresh crispy deep fried dough with congee on an early morning in Hong Kong
14. Walking along the streets of Paris looking at artists selling their work in street markets
15. Listening to a free jazz concert on a wharf as part of the Sydney Jazz Festival
Try to enjoy the simple things in life more!
1. Simple family dinners where all family members are present
2. Falling asleep as a baby in the arms of parents or grandparents
3. Reading a novel on a couch on a Saturday afternoon
4. Walking around the block early in the morning and breathing in the fresh morning air
5. Walking along the beach at sunset with my girlfriend
6. Listening to favourite songs in the car with my girlfriend
7. Telephone conversations with close friends from night until the break of dawn
8. Sitting around and gossiping with collegues after a firm function
9. Sitting around the piano or a guitar singing Christian songs
10. Playing out my emotions on the piano by myself
11. Buying Italian cold cuts from a local deli in Rome
12. Sitting in a mamak store in KL in the middle of the night talking to friends
13. Eating fresh crispy deep fried dough with congee on an early morning in Hong Kong
14. Walking along the streets of Paris looking at artists selling their work in street markets
15. Listening to a free jazz concert on a wharf as part of the Sydney Jazz Festival
Try to enjoy the simple things in life more!
Impartiality
We are all biased. We are all impartial. None of us are fair.
If our country gets attacked by terrorists or our people being killed in natural disasters, we mourn for the loss of lifes. If there is a disaster in a third world country, or a civil war erupts there killing many people, we will not even give a second thought.
When atheletes from other countries have tested positive for drugs, we think they are cheats. When our own atheletes have tested positive for drugs, we think that an asprin caused the result.
When a pretty girl is accused of drug smuggling, we all assume she is innocent. When a middle-aged ethnic man is accused of drug smuggling, we all assume he is guilty.
When other children break something in our house, we form the view that there must be something wrong in the parenting of these kids. When our own kids break something in other people's houses, we give excuses for our kids and are delighted that they are so active at such a young age.
When we are doing something and others are standing around and not helping us, we think that they are selfish lazy bastards. When others are doing something, we are too busy engaged in our thoughts and conversations to realise that others may need a helping hand.
When our partners cheat on us, we feel hurt, upset, distressed and angry. But when we cheat on our partners, we blame it on alcohol or drugs.
We are all biased. We are all impartial. None of us are fair.
If our country gets attacked by terrorists or our people being killed in natural disasters, we mourn for the loss of lifes. If there is a disaster in a third world country, or a civil war erupts there killing many people, we will not even give a second thought.
When atheletes from other countries have tested positive for drugs, we think they are cheats. When our own atheletes have tested positive for drugs, we think that an asprin caused the result.
When a pretty girl is accused of drug smuggling, we all assume she is innocent. When a middle-aged ethnic man is accused of drug smuggling, we all assume he is guilty.
When other children break something in our house, we form the view that there must be something wrong in the parenting of these kids. When our own kids break something in other people's houses, we give excuses for our kids and are delighted that they are so active at such a young age.
When we are doing something and others are standing around and not helping us, we think that they are selfish lazy bastards. When others are doing something, we are too busy engaged in our thoughts and conversations to realise that others may need a helping hand.
When our partners cheat on us, we feel hurt, upset, distressed and angry. But when we cheat on our partners, we blame it on alcohol or drugs.
We are all biased. We are all impartial. None of us are fair.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Til death do us part...3
While we are on the subject, did you know...
Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy?" The second was, "Did you find joy?"
What do we believe? We bring joy to others by giving them the assurance of eternal life after their death. We find joy on earth through this assurance of an eternal relationship with our Creator. However, we only actually experience this true joy when we leave this world.
As Benjamin Frankin once said:
Fear not death, for the sooner we die the longer we shall be immortal.
And as William Penn so correctly pointed out:
For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
Let's look forward to the day where we will be risen up in new bodies. As Kahil Gibran once said:
For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the Earth has claimed our limbs, Then we shall truly dance.
Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy?" The second was, "Did you find joy?"
What do we believe? We bring joy to others by giving them the assurance of eternal life after their death. We find joy on earth through this assurance of an eternal relationship with our Creator. However, we only actually experience this true joy when we leave this world.
As Benjamin Frankin once said:
Fear not death, for the sooner we die the longer we shall be immortal.
And as William Penn so correctly pointed out:
For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
Let's look forward to the day where we will be risen up in new bodies. As Kahil Gibran once said:
For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the Earth has claimed our limbs, Then we shall truly dance.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Til death do us part... 2
Life is full of misery, distress, tragedy and sadness. I continue to struggle in this fallen world. I continue to do things that are not pleasing to God. I know I am wrong, but I am helpless and is weak in my flesh. I always fall into temptation with the desires of my flesh. I am not made for this world. Where can I find true joy? Am I only able to experience true joy when I am no longer in the world but in eternity with our Lord? Then why am I still here? Why can't I be with Him now? Should I speed up the process now so that I can see Him...
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..........................
STOP!!!!!
He keeps me here for a purpose. I am his representative in this world and I should try my best to fulfil my role here. Maybe there are still things I need to do on this road to santification before He will take me to Him. The road is hard... and maybe very long....
I shouldn't take the easy way out. I am not a coward. Let me continue to find strength in Him!
..........................
..........................
STOP!!!!!
He keeps me here for a purpose. I am his representative in this world and I should try my best to fulfil my role here. Maybe there are still things I need to do on this road to santification before He will take me to Him. The road is hard... and maybe very long....
I shouldn't take the easy way out. I am not a coward. Let me continue to find strength in Him!
Til death do us part
Death. Everyone is afraid of it. Yet everyone will face it one day.
Am I scared of death? Yes. Why? Because this is one aspect of "life" that I have no control over. I don't know when it will come or how it will be. Even as a Christian, I am still scared about leaving the familiar territory of this world and heading into the unknown. Why am I scared? I don't know. I know that I shouldn't be scared as I have the assurance that I will be with God, but still I am scared. Maybe it is a reflection of my relationship with God and not knowing Him well enough, and so not knowing what to expect when I am with Him. Maybe it is a deeper realisation of how undeserving I am to receive His grace and how I deserve to be in exile forever. Or maybe it is just the plain simple reason that I don't want to give up this world. I don't know. Don't ask me. I don't want to think!
When I was young, I used to think death would not occur in my immediate circle. But I soon found out this was all wishful thinking.
My first experience with death occurred some time in 1997, when a close friend of my father died from cancer in hospital. I still remembered that night. We were having dinner at home at night, and the phone rang. It was the wife of my dad's friend. She told us that her husband has passed away. With no hesitation, my parents went to the hospital and dragged me along with them. When we got there, his family were all there. There was also a pastor there. He looked peaceful in bed, but I tried not to look at him. The pastor led us into a short prayer and we departed soon after. The impact of his death were not so great, as I was not that close with him on a personal level.
Soon after, several relatives passed away, some close and some distant. The most striking memory I have of death was the death of my grandmother in 2000. She had been in a nursing home for a number of years as her health was deteriorating badly. My dad used to visit her every day but I would only go there once in a while. I gave myself alot of excuses like study and dating and did not have a lot of time. Grandma loved me so much when I was young. She would express her love by buying things for me. She would always save the best piece of chicken for me at dinnertime. And when I was older, she would give me money whenever she saw me. I was glad that I went to the nursing home a few days before she died to visit her. Even at her frail state, she tried to find something to give me. She was not able to talk then. The night of her death, I woke up at 4am. I didn't know why I woke up. Suddenly, the phone rang. I was too scared to pick it up. It woke my dad. It was the nursing home, informing my dad that grandma was dying. My mom and dad quickly got up and went to the nursing home. I stayed at home and received a call from my parents that grandma has died. I didn't know what to do. Luckily I was in the middle of changing jobs so I did not have work that day. I stayed at home and didn't know whether I should watch TV or go on the net. I did not know who I should speak to. I kept thinking whether she was saved by God (as I evangelised to her a few years earlier and she agreed to convert to Christ but she had dementia and kept on worshipping idols) . And I missed the funeral as I was starting work that day and I was afraid that my new work won't believe me if I told them about this. So I went to the ceremony the night before the funeral. This is one thing I regretted not doing - attending her funeral. And I haven't been to her grave either. I don't know why. Just haven't gotten around to it.... or maybe I don't want to face it.
Then end of 2003, my nanna from Hong Kong died. My mum was already there for a few months beforehand as my nanna's kidneys began to fail. I found out the news from my sister who rang me at work to inform me about it. I left work early, but still didn't know what to do. I regretted deeply of not even attempting to share the gospel with her. I was in Hong Kong in 2001 for her 90th birthday, and I wanted to share the gospel, but didn't have a chance. And I asked my aunt (who was also a Christian) to share to gospel with her, but my aunt was too scared and she didn't have to courage to talk about Christ before nanna passed away. I feel like I have missed out on an opportunity to share the gospel which has sealed her fate in hell. It sounds harsh, but thats the truth.
And as I write this today, I pray that my parents, my sister and my brother in law will come to know Christ before their final day comes. I don't want them to be suffering in eternity. God, please help them. Please change their hearts so that they can trust in Him and make you their Lord over their lives.
And as for my own death... I am still scared, but I know I can face it as Christ has already faced it and paid the ultimate penalty for me!!
Am I scared of death? Yes. Why? Because this is one aspect of "life" that I have no control over. I don't know when it will come or how it will be. Even as a Christian, I am still scared about leaving the familiar territory of this world and heading into the unknown. Why am I scared? I don't know. I know that I shouldn't be scared as I have the assurance that I will be with God, but still I am scared. Maybe it is a reflection of my relationship with God and not knowing Him well enough, and so not knowing what to expect when I am with Him. Maybe it is a deeper realisation of how undeserving I am to receive His grace and how I deserve to be in exile forever. Or maybe it is just the plain simple reason that I don't want to give up this world. I don't know. Don't ask me. I don't want to think!
When I was young, I used to think death would not occur in my immediate circle. But I soon found out this was all wishful thinking.
My first experience with death occurred some time in 1997, when a close friend of my father died from cancer in hospital. I still remembered that night. We were having dinner at home at night, and the phone rang. It was the wife of my dad's friend. She told us that her husband has passed away. With no hesitation, my parents went to the hospital and dragged me along with them. When we got there, his family were all there. There was also a pastor there. He looked peaceful in bed, but I tried not to look at him. The pastor led us into a short prayer and we departed soon after. The impact of his death were not so great, as I was not that close with him on a personal level.
Soon after, several relatives passed away, some close and some distant. The most striking memory I have of death was the death of my grandmother in 2000. She had been in a nursing home for a number of years as her health was deteriorating badly. My dad used to visit her every day but I would only go there once in a while. I gave myself alot of excuses like study and dating and did not have a lot of time. Grandma loved me so much when I was young. She would express her love by buying things for me. She would always save the best piece of chicken for me at dinnertime. And when I was older, she would give me money whenever she saw me. I was glad that I went to the nursing home a few days before she died to visit her. Even at her frail state, she tried to find something to give me. She was not able to talk then. The night of her death, I woke up at 4am. I didn't know why I woke up. Suddenly, the phone rang. I was too scared to pick it up. It woke my dad. It was the nursing home, informing my dad that grandma was dying. My mom and dad quickly got up and went to the nursing home. I stayed at home and received a call from my parents that grandma has died. I didn't know what to do. Luckily I was in the middle of changing jobs so I did not have work that day. I stayed at home and didn't know whether I should watch TV or go on the net. I did not know who I should speak to. I kept thinking whether she was saved by God (as I evangelised to her a few years earlier and she agreed to convert to Christ but she had dementia and kept on worshipping idols) . And I missed the funeral as I was starting work that day and I was afraid that my new work won't believe me if I told them about this. So I went to the ceremony the night before the funeral. This is one thing I regretted not doing - attending her funeral. And I haven't been to her grave either. I don't know why. Just haven't gotten around to it.... or maybe I don't want to face it.
Then end of 2003, my nanna from Hong Kong died. My mum was already there for a few months beforehand as my nanna's kidneys began to fail. I found out the news from my sister who rang me at work to inform me about it. I left work early, but still didn't know what to do. I regretted deeply of not even attempting to share the gospel with her. I was in Hong Kong in 2001 for her 90th birthday, and I wanted to share the gospel, but didn't have a chance. And I asked my aunt (who was also a Christian) to share to gospel with her, but my aunt was too scared and she didn't have to courage to talk about Christ before nanna passed away. I feel like I have missed out on an opportunity to share the gospel which has sealed her fate in hell. It sounds harsh, but thats the truth.
And as I write this today, I pray that my parents, my sister and my brother in law will come to know Christ before their final day comes. I don't want them to be suffering in eternity. God, please help them. Please change their hearts so that they can trust in Him and make you their Lord over their lives.
And as for my own death... I am still scared, but I know I can face it as Christ has already faced it and paid the ultimate penalty for me!!
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
(To where you are - Josh Groban)
(To where you are - Josh Groban)
Sunday, June 12, 2005
In an instant...
The world we live in is an instantaneous world. We want everything to be done instantaneously. Technology has allowed us to receive information instantaneously through fascimile and email. Competition has resulted in greater efficiency in the retail sector which results in quicker services in order to give consumers greater satisfaction. We all want instantaneous gratification from the increasing stress which is being burdened onto us by this demanding society.
We apply thise same type of thinking into all our relationships. We tend to judge people extremely quickly. We form a view of people within the first few seconds of meeting them. If we see a stain on a person's shirt, we will jump to the conclusion that the person is a messy person who is not able to take care of themselves. However, maybe in reality, the person is actually a very tidy person and the stain is due to a cumbersome neighbour who bumped into the person and spilled some tea onto the shirt. If we see a guy with his hand up a 6 year old girl's skirt, we will form the view that the guy is a paedophile. But if we know that the reason why his hand was up her skit was that he was trying to remove a deadly spider that crawled up her legs, we will see him as a hero. Unfortuantely for us, we have already formed our judgement of that person striaght away at the instant we laid an eye on that person (eg at the moment when we see the stain or when we see the hand up the skirt), and we will never know the true reasons behind that person's actions.
And why do we continue to do this? Maybe because of the society we live in, we have the capacity to meet so many different people through all sorts of avenues, like work, social clubs or the internet. If we formed an instant bad impression of a person when we first meet them, we will not be bothered to pursue a deeper understanding of that person, as we have the opportunity to meet other people who we can "click" in the first instance. Furthermore, due to the heavy demands that other areas of life have on our time, we will not give priority to forming relationships with people who we don't have a good impression against. Therefore, our view of a person is the view we have formed in the first instance.
The problem does not stop there. If our relationships with others are based on first impressions, we may form a view of a person that is totally different to what that person actually is. And because we are so busy, we will not have time to develop the relationship beyond that initial impression and we will be having this false knowledge of that person throughout our life. However, sometimes this impression will be corrected. For example, when something drastic happens, and we need to rely on a friend who we perceive as helpful and knowlegable, we will then realise that person is not able to help us because that person is not as capable or as willing to help as we first thought. When we realise that all the relationships in our lives are based on false instanteous judgments, we will realise how little we know the people in our lives, and how little they know about us. This is why we are constantly in a state of loneliness and depression as we realise that noone understands us, not even our closest partner, and we don't understand anyone at all.
Should we change the way we form relationships? We may want to exercise more patience on others, and learn to understand them before we dismiss them from our lives. But in reality, we are constrained by this instaneous world. We are constrained by time and by our daily demands. We may want to spend time to get to know a person, but that person may be too busy or may already formed an instanteous impression of us and decided not to spend any time with us. Even if we want to change the way we form relationships, we are faced with so much constraints that we will feel frustrated which will spiral into a state of loneliness and depression as we realise that we are not able to understand others better and that noone is willing to understand us, not even our closest partner.
Is there a way out? Maybe there is an instant button we can press to change everything...
We apply thise same type of thinking into all our relationships. We tend to judge people extremely quickly. We form a view of people within the first few seconds of meeting them. If we see a stain on a person's shirt, we will jump to the conclusion that the person is a messy person who is not able to take care of themselves. However, maybe in reality, the person is actually a very tidy person and the stain is due to a cumbersome neighbour who bumped into the person and spilled some tea onto the shirt. If we see a guy with his hand up a 6 year old girl's skirt, we will form the view that the guy is a paedophile. But if we know that the reason why his hand was up her skit was that he was trying to remove a deadly spider that crawled up her legs, we will see him as a hero. Unfortuantely for us, we have already formed our judgement of that person striaght away at the instant we laid an eye on that person (eg at the moment when we see the stain or when we see the hand up the skirt), and we will never know the true reasons behind that person's actions.
And why do we continue to do this? Maybe because of the society we live in, we have the capacity to meet so many different people through all sorts of avenues, like work, social clubs or the internet. If we formed an instant bad impression of a person when we first meet them, we will not be bothered to pursue a deeper understanding of that person, as we have the opportunity to meet other people who we can "click" in the first instance. Furthermore, due to the heavy demands that other areas of life have on our time, we will not give priority to forming relationships with people who we don't have a good impression against. Therefore, our view of a person is the view we have formed in the first instance.
The problem does not stop there. If our relationships with others are based on first impressions, we may form a view of a person that is totally different to what that person actually is. And because we are so busy, we will not have time to develop the relationship beyond that initial impression and we will be having this false knowledge of that person throughout our life. However, sometimes this impression will be corrected. For example, when something drastic happens, and we need to rely on a friend who we perceive as helpful and knowlegable, we will then realise that person is not able to help us because that person is not as capable or as willing to help as we first thought. When we realise that all the relationships in our lives are based on false instanteous judgments, we will realise how little we know the people in our lives, and how little they know about us. This is why we are constantly in a state of loneliness and depression as we realise that noone understands us, not even our closest partner, and we don't understand anyone at all.
Should we change the way we form relationships? We may want to exercise more patience on others, and learn to understand them before we dismiss them from our lives. But in reality, we are constrained by this instaneous world. We are constrained by time and by our daily demands. We may want to spend time to get to know a person, but that person may be too busy or may already formed an instanteous impression of us and decided not to spend any time with us. Even if we want to change the way we form relationships, we are faced with so much constraints that we will feel frustrated which will spiral into a state of loneliness and depression as we realise that we are not able to understand others better and that noone is willing to understand us, not even our closest partner.
Is there a way out? Maybe there is an instant button we can press to change everything...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Adaptation
Some people are uncomfortable with changes. They will be anxious about changes in their lives and may loath at the possibility of change.
I preceive myself as a person who is very adaptable to changes around me. I see changes as something positive. Changes allow us to experience new things in our lives and we may discover something new about ourselves that we do not know before. Maybe I am just a practical person and have adopted to the ever changing nature of our world. Maybe I understand that in order to survive in this world, I will need to change and adapt.
When I was young, I was forced to adapt to a new country and a new style of living when I immigrated to Australia. I was able to adapt quickly and soon made Australia my home.
When I moved to university, my closest friends from high school all went to different universities. I was able to make friends quickly and within a few weeks, I would always have people to hang around with during breaks.
I have moved around to alot of different jobs since I graduated, and each time I have adjusted well to new environments. I remember that one of my current collegues commented that I fitted in the group very nicely after only a week in my current job and that she thought I had been with the group much longer than my actual time there.
In terms of my church life, I have changed from serving in the Chinese congregation with older people to serving in the English congregation with younger people. I feel like that I am able to get on well with different people, no matter what age or background and so I am flexible in terms of who I am serving.
Many of my good friends have deserted me in the past few years, not in the sense of termination of friendship, but in the sense of leaving for overseas or getting married, which means they have less time for me than before. But I try to make new friends with the people that are around me. It is strange that the people I used to rely on five years ago are different to the people that I rely on now.
However, a person like me who is adaptable to change faces one big challenge - IDENTITY CRISIS. Sometimes I don't feel like I belong anywhere. A life filled with changes makes a person lose his sense of identity and belonging. Am I Australian or am I Chinese? Who is my best friend? Do I really belong to the firm I am in now, or am I just staying here for a year or so before moving to greener pastures? Who are my closest friends in church - the people I have known for 10 years (but they are not able to understand some of the issues I go through in my role in the English congregation) or the younger guys in English (who may not have the life experience to understand the problems I face in my life)? Maybe that is why I like changes in life. Maybe there is a glimmer of hope that I will find my true identity through changes and that one day I truly know who I am.....
But maybe all these things do not matter, as I know I belong to GOD, and I am His son.
I preceive myself as a person who is very adaptable to changes around me. I see changes as something positive. Changes allow us to experience new things in our lives and we may discover something new about ourselves that we do not know before. Maybe I am just a practical person and have adopted to the ever changing nature of our world. Maybe I understand that in order to survive in this world, I will need to change and adapt.
When I was young, I was forced to adapt to a new country and a new style of living when I immigrated to Australia. I was able to adapt quickly and soon made Australia my home.
When I moved to university, my closest friends from high school all went to different universities. I was able to make friends quickly and within a few weeks, I would always have people to hang around with during breaks.
I have moved around to alot of different jobs since I graduated, and each time I have adjusted well to new environments. I remember that one of my current collegues commented that I fitted in the group very nicely after only a week in my current job and that she thought I had been with the group much longer than my actual time there.
In terms of my church life, I have changed from serving in the Chinese congregation with older people to serving in the English congregation with younger people. I feel like that I am able to get on well with different people, no matter what age or background and so I am flexible in terms of who I am serving.
Many of my good friends have deserted me in the past few years, not in the sense of termination of friendship, but in the sense of leaving for overseas or getting married, which means they have less time for me than before. But I try to make new friends with the people that are around me. It is strange that the people I used to rely on five years ago are different to the people that I rely on now.
However, a person like me who is adaptable to change faces one big challenge - IDENTITY CRISIS. Sometimes I don't feel like I belong anywhere. A life filled with changes makes a person lose his sense of identity and belonging. Am I Australian or am I Chinese? Who is my best friend? Do I really belong to the firm I am in now, or am I just staying here for a year or so before moving to greener pastures? Who are my closest friends in church - the people I have known for 10 years (but they are not able to understand some of the issues I go through in my role in the English congregation) or the younger guys in English (who may not have the life experience to understand the problems I face in my life)? Maybe that is why I like changes in life. Maybe there is a glimmer of hope that I will find my true identity through changes and that one day I truly know who I am.....
But maybe all these things do not matter, as I know I belong to GOD, and I am His son.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Complaints
Human beings tend to complain all the time. In the workplace, we complain about our bosses, the number of hours we work and how our clients are treating us. At home, we complain about how our family doesn't understand us. At church, we complain about the lack of commitment of our fellow brothers and sisters and the sermons of certain speakers. In the community, we complain about the government, the public transport system and the social security system. The list goes on.
Why can't we be content with what we have? Why can't we rejoice in the fact that we are still alive, still enjoying what life has to offer, and we have a roof over our head and enough food to keep us healthy and strong? Why do we always look at the negative side of life?
If we are unhappy with our work, why don't we change our work? Is it because our work actually brings us a relatively high level of income? Is it because our work actually makes us feel important? Is our work actually giving us a status in society that we are proud of? The reason why we complain about our work is because we actually have choices in relation to our job. Talk to a person who is long term unemployed and we will understand what it means for a person to be content to take any job, no matte how hard or mundane that job is.
At home, have we thought about others, or are we focused on ourselves. We complain that our family doesn't understand us. Do we take the time to understand them or allow them to understand us? Coming home after work, do we just lay in front of the TV without wanting to talk to our family because we are too tired? Do we leave all the housework for our spouse or parents? Do we ever share our fears or desires with our family? Maybe the reason why they don't understand us is that we don't actually let them.
When we see the flaws of our brothers and sisters in church, do we see our own flaws? We complain that people are neglected, do we actually go and make these neglected people feel welcome or do we only choose to welcome those we are comfortable with. We complain about how certain programs are run. Are we willing to spend the time to help out when we see a lack of resources? Why can't we be more appreciative of the efforts of others? We tend to only see their flaws, but in their eyes, they may be accusing us of the exact same flaws!!
If we have so much complaints about the community, in what ways are we willing to help? Do we constantly try to minimise the taxes we pay? Do we try to obtain as much social benefits as we can even though we do not deserve them? Do we move our money offshore to avoid local taxes and charges? Do we engage in practises such as illegal downloads which will cause a decrease in the overall level of consumption in our economy? When we see people committing crime, and the crime does not relate to us, do we pretend that nothing happened so as to avoid trouble? How much are we willing to be involved in this community?? What right do we have to complain?
Therefore, let us learn to appreciate the things we have, the people around us and the world we live in. Noone is perfect, and we all should try to live and learn from one another. We should be appreciative of other people doing things that we are not able to do. When we look at this world and the people around us from the point of view of our need for them, then we will see how valuable everything and everyone is.
Why can't we be content with what we have? Why can't we rejoice in the fact that we are still alive, still enjoying what life has to offer, and we have a roof over our head and enough food to keep us healthy and strong? Why do we always look at the negative side of life?
If we are unhappy with our work, why don't we change our work? Is it because our work actually brings us a relatively high level of income? Is it because our work actually makes us feel important? Is our work actually giving us a status in society that we are proud of? The reason why we complain about our work is because we actually have choices in relation to our job. Talk to a person who is long term unemployed and we will understand what it means for a person to be content to take any job, no matte how hard or mundane that job is.
At home, have we thought about others, or are we focused on ourselves. We complain that our family doesn't understand us. Do we take the time to understand them or allow them to understand us? Coming home after work, do we just lay in front of the TV without wanting to talk to our family because we are too tired? Do we leave all the housework for our spouse or parents? Do we ever share our fears or desires with our family? Maybe the reason why they don't understand us is that we don't actually let them.
When we see the flaws of our brothers and sisters in church, do we see our own flaws? We complain that people are neglected, do we actually go and make these neglected people feel welcome or do we only choose to welcome those we are comfortable with. We complain about how certain programs are run. Are we willing to spend the time to help out when we see a lack of resources? Why can't we be more appreciative of the efforts of others? We tend to only see their flaws, but in their eyes, they may be accusing us of the exact same flaws!!
If we have so much complaints about the community, in what ways are we willing to help? Do we constantly try to minimise the taxes we pay? Do we try to obtain as much social benefits as we can even though we do not deserve them? Do we move our money offshore to avoid local taxes and charges? Do we engage in practises such as illegal downloads which will cause a decrease in the overall level of consumption in our economy? When we see people committing crime, and the crime does not relate to us, do we pretend that nothing happened so as to avoid trouble? How much are we willing to be involved in this community?? What right do we have to complain?
Therefore, let us learn to appreciate the things we have, the people around us and the world we live in. Noone is perfect, and we all should try to live and learn from one another. We should be appreciative of other people doing things that we are not able to do. When we look at this world and the people around us from the point of view of our need for them, then we will see how valuable everything and everyone is.
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