True Emo

I met up with a friend tonight I have not seen for years.

To my surprise, she told me that she has a form of mental illness (which I will not disclose here).

She then explained to me how the illness has affected her, especially to the point that she is no longer able to control emotions, and she has attempted to commit suicide a few times already. Hearing her talk about her struggles, I felt really helpless and didn't know what I could do to help her. But the only thing I could do was to sit there and listen to her.

She then told me how this illness is affecting her everyday life and her relationship with others. But she is not able to disclose this to others, and she regretted telling some people already as they were not able to understand her situation, and made fun of her.

Listening to her made me realise that we really need be understanding to our friends. Who knows how many of my friends are in such situation, and I may be upset with them when their behaviour is strange without realising that they may have a valid reason behind their actions.

I have met such people before, especially with my probono work with the homeless, but when it is your friend who has the illness, its a whole different situation.

At least she is relying on God to help her through this. I pray for her recovery and ability to cope and live with this illness.

Resolution?

Maybe finally there is some sort of resolution.

After a few weeks of not talking, we finally had a chat about ministry issues. It was kept at a very high level. And then we discussed about certain rumours about us, and it was implied that this needs to be sorted as there is no way they will eventuate. In effect, she said that to me, to which I agreed. And we agreed that we will no longer be able to share personal views and thoughts, so as to keep a clear division in our relationship and not cross the boundaries between friends and lovers.

This, in a way, is good but it feels like losing a friend and someone that I can share things with.

In relation to the other person, she has decided to try another place and her reasons are solid. Even though she said this has got nothing to do with me, I am sure I may be the catalyst or one of the reasons why she is doing so. To this, I am guilty.

It feels like I am losing two people from my life at the same time.

However, I am really grateful for the care and concern shown by certain people, and it was the right timing for me to receive a pack of cards today titled "52 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart". Thanks, guys.

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day my mother and father went to a church, after a request from a family friend. I accompanied them. I was happy that they were able to go, at least it was a start for them to approach this religion.

However, I did not like the church that much. The sermon was not aimed for new comers and the preacher took things out of context. There was no gospel content even though it was supposed to be evangelistic. The pastor did not make any attempt to welcome us (although he may have to go to another service to preach). One thing which that church has is the people - friendly people who talked to us.

I was embarrassed that day as well by my family friend, who tried too hard to introduce girls to me. She asked me to give them my business card, but when I said I don't have any on me, my mom gave them my card from her purse. I was forced to sit next to one of them at the event afterwards. This was so embarrassing.

Joy in light of darkness

In light of these issues, my parents have accepted an invitation from a family friend to attend her church on Mothers Day for a special event. They accepted on the proviso that I am going with them, and they thought I would not be able to go. So guess what? I told them I am able to go. Now they have to go. I really hope they will form a good impression and maybe will attend other church functions in the future so they are able to know God and accept Him.

Need to pray, pray, pray.

Office analogy

Its been a week and nothing has progressed. It is hard not to speak to a person for a week. I missed talking to her. But I don't know if I miss her as a person or not.

I need to talk to her, but in my mind, I am still not clear what I want to do. That is why I have not confronted the issue sooner.

I know if I do not choose to be with her, the friendship will disappear.

This time I feel alone in facing this issue. It seems like noone is able to help me or they are disinterested. Maybe some people think I read too much into things, or they are annoyed and upset at me for being like this, time after time. Others may think its goof gossip material and continue to spread this to other people. I recognise that this is an area of my life which I am weak.

I was talking about this to a brother tonight who I have not seen for a while and he made some good observations about me. Here is an office analogy he used.

I am a person who likes to take several files but never open them. I give the impression that I will open them, but they always remain closed. Maybe I am too afraid of committing to one file if I open one file, so am content in the thought of owning a closed file.

I used a similar analogy about him.

He is a person who has opened a file and committed to it. But unfortunately, the file was from a prohibited area, which should not have been opened until it has been transferred to the normal area. However, at least he is trying to transfer the open file now.

We then thought of an analogy about our mutual friend.

He is a person who opens a file, then opens another one, then another one. After a few is opened, he will shut the others. But before long, new files will be opened.

He analysed other things as well and I really appreciate the conversation. Either way, I have to make a decision and resolve the issue. He is keeping me accountable and we set a date of 6 June, by which I need to have resolved all issues.

I need to pray. Really pray.

Light relief

This is a imaginary conversation using recent song titles that me and another colleague typed up using work messenger to secretly describe a secret affair we think is happening at work.

Note: Lyrics or Song titles are marked by " "

A: "I feel so untouched right now..."
A: "Touch my body"
B: "You want a piece of me?"
A: Yea
B: OK. "4 Minutes"
[After 4 minutes]
A: "Don't stop the music"
A: "Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more"
B: No. I'm "Lovestoned".
B: "I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love".
A: Can I have a "picture of you"?
B: Here. "Don't hold back".
B: "Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it....".

Interpret this any way you wish. =)

Can anyone recognise all the songs there? List them all out with the song title and artist if you can.