Even though I am not in Cambodia at the moment, I can feel the intensity of what it is like to be on a short term mission there.
I shared in her pain as she informs me of the side effects of taking malaria tablets. I can feel the atmosphere as she described her helplessness in helping the children on the streest. I can feel her discomfort as she describes the skin allergy she has after visiting and hugging children with HIV.
It is having such an effect on me that I wake up in the middle of night wanting to pray for her.
May the gospel of our Lord be brought to those in Cambodia and beyond! Hope she returns safe and sound.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Nose bleed
Why does my nose bleed all of a sudden during a private conversation over dinner with an attractive female counterpart at a cafe? The whole scene was so theatrical. My other friend went to the toilet and I was having a nice private conversation with the girl. I didn't know her that well but we were talking about places to visit in Europe and it was a very enjoyable conversation. I started to blow my nose, but it started to bleed. I asked her for tissues but before she could reach down into her bag, blood just poured out. All the people in the cafe were taking notice of me. The waitress even came to me with extra napkins. I had to leave the girl sitting there by herself and went to the bathroom to fix my nose.
This is like a scene out of the movie. My friend then joked with me afterwards about the fact that my nose was bleeding because of my one on one time with the pretty girl.
This is like a scene out of the movie. My friend then joked with me afterwards about the fact that my nose was bleeding because of my one on one time with the pretty girl.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Contradiction in people
A person can be so contradictory. On one level she can be caring and kind and is a good friend to talk to when I'm in need. On the other hand she can be mean with the things she says about me, often in a joking way, without realising the hurt she is causing me with the things she says. And when I retaliate, she would get upset and hurt by my retaliation. If a person is your friend, you would respect that person, not make fun or put down that person.
And why doesn't she tell me certain things when they concern me deeply but tells me these stuff way after the event? If it is the other way round, she would have been upset if I had not told her.
Maybe that is why I will never consider her as more than a friend. Never. Never ever.
And why doesn't she tell me certain things when they concern me deeply but tells me these stuff way after the event? If it is the other way round, she would have been upset if I had not told her.
Maybe that is why I will never consider her as more than a friend. Never. Never ever.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Haberfield - the new Leichard
Haberfield is shaping up to the new Leichard of Sydney. The main street reminds me of a more toned down version of a cross between Lygon Street in Melbourne and Acland Street in St Kilda.
We went to an Italian restaurant for lunch, and the food was surprising good. We could have sat there all afternoon as it was a very comfortable and relaxing place. The coffee afterwards at an old styled Italian cafe was really well made, with the smell of the coffee bean aromas filling the whole cafe.
There is also a handmade chocolate shop nearby and next time I will definitely get some chocolates.
Give Haberfield a try!!
We went to an Italian restaurant for lunch, and the food was surprising good. We could have sat there all afternoon as it was a very comfortable and relaxing place. The coffee afterwards at an old styled Italian cafe was really well made, with the smell of the coffee bean aromas filling the whole cafe.
There is also a handmade chocolate shop nearby and next time I will definitely get some chocolates.
Give Haberfield a try!!
Christmas Party
After working for a few years, I have been to a number of different Christmas parties. Working in a large organisation often means that when attending these parties, I hang around and converse with the people in my group that I know.
This year it is a bit different. Not many of the people from my group went to the Christmas party (due to various commitments). At first I hanged around with them, but eventually I drifted off and started hanging around other people. It is interesting how different a person can be in a social context. I have worked with other people from other groups, and when I talk to them socially, they come across as a totally different person. They can be alot more interesting. Some of the conversations I had were thoughtful and meaningful. At least I know that alot of us think alike about our careers and futures in the firm, not just me.
What made this year's party interesting was the existence of a few gaming tables. We were all issued with $10,000 fake chips, and I played Black Jack and Texas Holdem Poker. I was pretty even with Black Jack. But I lost everything in Texas Holdem Poker. I was patient and waited for a good hand, and when I had a triple, I went "all in". Another player followed. After the river card was revealed, the other player won, as he managed to score a flush. In another game, using the chips of a colleague, I also had a triple, and went all in, but to my dismay, I lost to a player who had a straight. Such bad luck. The chances of a triple losing in the game is so low. Oh well... at least its not for real.
As usual, it was hard to catch a cab home after. Thank you to the friend who picked me up from the train station! =)
This year it is a bit different. Not many of the people from my group went to the Christmas party (due to various commitments). At first I hanged around with them, but eventually I drifted off and started hanging around other people. It is interesting how different a person can be in a social context. I have worked with other people from other groups, and when I talk to them socially, they come across as a totally different person. They can be alot more interesting. Some of the conversations I had were thoughtful and meaningful. At least I know that alot of us think alike about our careers and futures in the firm, not just me.
What made this year's party interesting was the existence of a few gaming tables. We were all issued with $10,000 fake chips, and I played Black Jack and Texas Holdem Poker. I was pretty even with Black Jack. But I lost everything in Texas Holdem Poker. I was patient and waited for a good hand, and when I had a triple, I went "all in". Another player followed. After the river card was revealed, the other player won, as he managed to score a flush. In another game, using the chips of a colleague, I also had a triple, and went all in, but to my dismay, I lost to a player who had a straight. Such bad luck. The chances of a triple losing in the game is so low. Oh well... at least its not for real.
As usual, it was hard to catch a cab home after. Thank you to the friend who picked me up from the train station! =)
Praise Him
To be able to praise Him, and worship Him is our privilege and honour.
To be able to lead others to experience the power of the Spirit and be thankful for what God has done for us over the past year is worth every minute of planning and rehearsal.
May we continue to serve God in love and humility as we continue to strive to glorify His name.
"Revive us O Lord", so we can be "Lost in [the] Wonder" of your love.
To be able to lead others to experience the power of the Spirit and be thankful for what God has done for us over the past year is worth every minute of planning and rehearsal.
May we continue to serve God in love and humility as we continue to strive to glorify His name.
"Revive us O Lord", so we can be "Lost in [the] Wonder" of your love.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Inside the mind...
I am currently reading a book titled Monet by Himself which is a collection of letters written by the famous painter Monet to his family and friends. From reading his letters, you are able to appreciate his thinking and understand him a little bit more.
I have always admired Monet and his works. His ability to capture the imagery of a moment in time and his perfect depiction of light and darkness in his art always captivates me. You can always experience his emotions when you look at his paintings, as your mind is able to be taken away to the time and place of the image before you. It has been a great discovery for me to acquire this book as I am able to understand this great painter through his communication with others.
If we are able to understand a person through their communications with others, how would our future generations understand us given the lack of communications nowadays. Most of our communications are in the form of SMS, instant messaging, emails or phone conversations, and I doubt any of these will be accessible records after the communicator dies.
I have always admired Monet and his works. His ability to capture the imagery of a moment in time and his perfect depiction of light and darkness in his art always captivates me. You can always experience his emotions when you look at his paintings, as your mind is able to be taken away to the time and place of the image before you. It has been a great discovery for me to acquire this book as I am able to understand this great painter through his communication with others.
If we are able to understand a person through their communications with others, how would our future generations understand us given the lack of communications nowadays. Most of our communications are in the form of SMS, instant messaging, emails or phone conversations, and I doubt any of these will be accessible records after the communicator dies.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Blood and Water?
Is blood thicker than water?
It is argued that family relations last forever, but friendships come and go.
But the opposite may also be true. Family relations may just be an imaginary concept. The concept by itself will not be able to bind a relationship together. You may feel a sense of belonging to a relative because you belong to the same family, but you may not have any relationship with that person. A friend who you have experienced ups and downs with may have a stronger relationship with you than a relative who you have no relationship with.
If we are binded to each other by our encounters and experiences, shouldn't friendship be seen as important as family relations? Isn't it ironic that a person who died without a will may result in a distant relative, who barely knew the person, being entitled to their estate, while that person's friends, who stood by the person during that person's last days, get nothing, not even a memento to remember that person by. A close friend's death would have so much more impact on me than the death of a distant relative in another part of the world, or an evil relative who has harmed me financially and emotionally.
It is argued that family relations last forever, but friendships come and go.
But the opposite may also be true. Family relations may just be an imaginary concept. The concept by itself will not be able to bind a relationship together. You may feel a sense of belonging to a relative because you belong to the same family, but you may not have any relationship with that person. A friend who you have experienced ups and downs with may have a stronger relationship with you than a relative who you have no relationship with.
If we are binded to each other by our encounters and experiences, shouldn't friendship be seen as important as family relations? Isn't it ironic that a person who died without a will may result in a distant relative, who barely knew the person, being entitled to their estate, while that person's friends, who stood by the person during that person's last days, get nothing, not even a memento to remember that person by. A close friend's death would have so much more impact on me than the death of a distant relative in another part of the world, or an evil relative who has harmed me financially and emotionally.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Office tidbits
Some interesting observations about irony from every day life in an office of a large firm:
1. You don't know when your colleague is leaving. Most firms don't send emails anymore about people leaving for the fear of bringing low morale to the workers. A person in another group in the firm whom you have been dealing with for a matter a month ago may no longer be there if you contact them a month later. But the irony is that people coming and leaving is a fact of life in a large firm. Most people leave to go to other firms or overseas. It's just a fact of life. There is no need for a firm to keep things quiet.
2. Most firms nowadays offer a fruit basket for each floor for their employees to enjoy and stay healthy. The irony is that most fruits are gone in the first half an hour by eager secretaries who take three or four pieces of fruits each, while other people like us would never have a chance to get a piece of fruit.
3. Firms offer dinner and taxi rides for employees who work late. The irony is that we would rather do the work quickly than spend time eating in the office. We would rather leave the office and eat outside than being stuck in the office eating dinner while knowing that there are still work to be done after dinner. The taxi is not attractive either, especially if you know how some taxi drivers drive their cabs.
4. Firms offer a variety of functions - drinks, social lunches, etc - but the irony is that your attendance is encouraged but is dependent on your work commitments.
5. A typical office usually has more female than males. But the irony is that office romance is virtually non existent due to a number of factors such as sexual harassment policies, business at work, stress and frustration from work, etc.
1. You don't know when your colleague is leaving. Most firms don't send emails anymore about people leaving for the fear of bringing low morale to the workers. A person in another group in the firm whom you have been dealing with for a matter a month ago may no longer be there if you contact them a month later. But the irony is that people coming and leaving is a fact of life in a large firm. Most people leave to go to other firms or overseas. It's just a fact of life. There is no need for a firm to keep things quiet.
2. Most firms nowadays offer a fruit basket for each floor for their employees to enjoy and stay healthy. The irony is that most fruits are gone in the first half an hour by eager secretaries who take three or four pieces of fruits each, while other people like us would never have a chance to get a piece of fruit.
3. Firms offer dinner and taxi rides for employees who work late. The irony is that we would rather do the work quickly than spend time eating in the office. We would rather leave the office and eat outside than being stuck in the office eating dinner while knowing that there are still work to be done after dinner. The taxi is not attractive either, especially if you know how some taxi drivers drive their cabs.
4. Firms offer a variety of functions - drinks, social lunches, etc - but the irony is that your attendance is encouraged but is dependent on your work commitments.
5. A typical office usually has more female than males. But the irony is that office romance is virtually non existent due to a number of factors such as sexual harassment policies, business at work, stress and frustration from work, etc.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
What is love?
Alot of people look for love because they wish to escape the feeling of loneliness. Having a partner will allow them to have someone that they can relate to, both physically and emotionally, as well as someone who can care for them in times of need. They think that one can never be happy being alone and there is a need for a partner in their lives.
This is not necessary true for the following reasons:
1. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. There are so many things you can fill up your lives with, such as hobbies, social activities, etc.
2. Having a partner doesn't necessarily remove your loneliness (if you are lonely) especially if your partner does not understand you truly. The expectation you have of them and the fact that they are not able to meet your expectation may make you more unhappy and distressed.
3. It is true that as you grow older, people around you may have their own families and children and if you are single, you may encounter some sort of loneliness. This will especially be true when you grow old and your parents will no longer be here, and you may feel more alone as you have no immediate family around you. But getting married doesn't guarantee that your partner will be there when you're old. Your partner may die before you do, leaving no offspring, and you end up being in the same state of being alone.
"What is Love? Love is not to be loved, but to love and not expect to be loved." (Gecki, 2006)
This is not necessary true for the following reasons:
1. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. There are so many things you can fill up your lives with, such as hobbies, social activities, etc.
2. Having a partner doesn't necessarily remove your loneliness (if you are lonely) especially if your partner does not understand you truly. The expectation you have of them and the fact that they are not able to meet your expectation may make you more unhappy and distressed.
3. It is true that as you grow older, people around you may have their own families and children and if you are single, you may encounter some sort of loneliness. This will especially be true when you grow old and your parents will no longer be here, and you may feel more alone as you have no immediate family around you. But getting married doesn't guarantee that your partner will be there when you're old. Your partner may die before you do, leaving no offspring, and you end up being in the same state of being alone.
"What is Love? Love is not to be loved, but to love and not expect to be loved." (Gecki, 2006)
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Endless tasks
Tasks that I have to do are endless.
Stuff to do for secular work. Stuff to do for church. Stuff to do at home.
So much to do. So little time.
And we still like to procrastinate.
Why??
Stuff to do for secular work. Stuff to do for church. Stuff to do at home.
So much to do. So little time.
And we still like to procrastinate.
Why??
Rude Boss - Part 2
The continuing saga of the rude boss.
In the last couple of weeks, there is a 180 degree change in him. He is no longer threatening or making reasonable demands. When I told him I was busy with other stuff, he extended the deadlines of my work and even offered to take back some of my work so I wont be too busy or flatout.
He even took me out to lunch atCafe Sydney as an appreciation of my efforts. During lunch he asked me what type of work I enjoyed doing and we talked about religion. I didn't know that he was also a Christian and he attended some Eastern Orthodox church. It was an interesting discussion about the differences in my religion and his religion.
Today, he took me out to coffee and we just chatted about random stuff, like religion, literature and movies. He seems to be a nice person.
Even though there is a change in him, I still wonder whether this change is permanent, or whether he is treating me nice as he wanted to me to help him and work for him more. Maybe this is his way of trying to win me over to him. I don't know. Maybe I think too much. Anyway, at this point in time, I still do not trust him.
Or maybe he has no friends at work and wants to befriend me. I have heard that everyone knows of his rudeness and the way he acted when he first started, so maybe he is neglected by the other bosses in our firm.
All very interesting.
In the last couple of weeks, there is a 180 degree change in him. He is no longer threatening or making reasonable demands. When I told him I was busy with other stuff, he extended the deadlines of my work and even offered to take back some of my work so I wont be too busy or flatout.
He even took me out to lunch at
Today, he took me out to coffee and we just chatted about random stuff, like religion, literature and movies. He seems to be a nice person.
Even though there is a change in him, I still wonder whether this change is permanent, or whether he is treating me nice as he wanted to me to help him and work for him more. Maybe this is his way of trying to win me over to him. I don't know. Maybe I think too much. Anyway, at this point in time, I still do not trust him.
Or maybe he has no friends at work and wants to befriend me. I have heard that everyone knows of his rudeness and the way he acted when he first started, so maybe he is neglected by the other bosses in our firm.
All very interesting.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Global Corporate Challenge 3
The Global Corporate Challenge ended today. See my previous blog entries for details.
Our team has consistently been the team with the most steps within our firm for the duration of the challenge. However, in the past 10 days, we have noticed that the second ranked team of our firm has been slowly creeping up to us. They actually overtook us on the second last day, and we dropped to number two.
Some of our team members were very upset by this, and we vowed to each do at least 30,000 steps on the last day to try to push us back up to the number one spot in our firm.
I walked over 33,000 steps on the last day, mainly done on the treadmill at home at night. It was tiring. It didn't help that I had a medical procedure a few days before. Some team members did 44,000 steps on the last day. All went well. On the final day, after we submitted our steps, we ended up being the number one team in our firm again.
To be quite honest, I didn't really care whether we won or lost as this is not so important to me. But the thing that kept me going was the fact I don't want to let down my team.
Walking can really be beneficial. I should actually incorporate regular walking as part of my daily activity. Maybe I can do it if I sleep earlier and wake up earlier. Or maybe I am just too plain lazy.
If I can wake up earlier, I should also be spending time with God first thing in the morning. Maybe I should stop writing and actually try doing all this.
Our team has consistently been the team with the most steps within our firm for the duration of the challenge. However, in the past 10 days, we have noticed that the second ranked team of our firm has been slowly creeping up to us. They actually overtook us on the second last day, and we dropped to number two.
Some of our team members were very upset by this, and we vowed to each do at least 30,000 steps on the last day to try to push us back up to the number one spot in our firm.
I walked over 33,000 steps on the last day, mainly done on the treadmill at home at night. It was tiring. It didn't help that I had a medical procedure a few days before. Some team members did 44,000 steps on the last day. All went well. On the final day, after we submitted our steps, we ended up being the number one team in our firm again.
To be quite honest, I didn't really care whether we won or lost as this is not so important to me. But the thing that kept me going was the fact I don't want to let down my team.
Walking can really be beneficial. I should actually incorporate regular walking as part of my daily activity. Maybe I can do it if I sleep earlier and wake up earlier. Or maybe I am just too plain lazy.
If I can wake up earlier, I should also be spending time with God first thing in the morning. Maybe I should stop writing and actually try doing all this.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Gratitde 2 - reflection
Thank God that no major issues came out of the medical procedure and they have now fixed a relatively minor problem in me.
This whole experience brought me to realise a few things:
1. Life is short. We don't know when we will be taken away. Are we doing what God wants us to do at this point in time, or will we regret living our lives when we are on our death-beds? What do we want others to remember us by after we're gone? Should I do more for God? Full time ministry?
2. In this moment of crisis, I realised that my faith may not be as strong as I thought. I even questioned whether God was punishing me for my sins through this incident. This is a wrong perception of God - there may be no basis for adversity in our lives - look at Job. What is important is how we deal with God in times of adversity.
3. Thank God for the support that others have shown me. In times like this, it is very hard to tell people what is happening. Even when I tell people, some people would have no response or an inadequate response, which would upset me even more. There are some instances in life which we must face alone, and others can't really help us. However, the empathy I have received from a few people I greatly appreciated.
4. God has shown me that He was in this with me during this time through different events such as:
(a) my dream two nights before the procedure, where the song "You Rescued Me" was being sung in my dream, an indication that God will rescue me from this (which he did);
(b) the arrival of an email from a friend at a really desperate time where he was able to calm me down with words of encourage and support;
(c) my family arriving back two days before - the presence of people in the house helps to ease my mind off things;
(d) a friend who guessed the exact procedure I was having and told me about his experiences with the same procedure and his evaluation of the expected result, giving me some sort of comfort;
(e) a call on the night before the procedure from a woman who gave me valuable insight and support; and
(f) understanding from people at work allowing me to take time off to help me get my mind off things.
This whole experience brought me to realise a few things:
1. Life is short. We don't know when we will be taken away. Are we doing what God wants us to do at this point in time, or will we regret living our lives when we are on our death-beds? What do we want others to remember us by after we're gone? Should I do more for God? Full time ministry?
2. In this moment of crisis, I realised that my faith may not be as strong as I thought. I even questioned whether God was punishing me for my sins through this incident. This is a wrong perception of God - there may be no basis for adversity in our lives - look at Job. What is important is how we deal with God in times of adversity.
3. Thank God for the support that others have shown me. In times like this, it is very hard to tell people what is happening. Even when I tell people, some people would have no response or an inadequate response, which would upset me even more. There are some instances in life which we must face alone, and others can't really help us. However, the empathy I have received from a few people I greatly appreciated.
4. God has shown me that He was in this with me during this time through different events such as:
(a) my dream two nights before the procedure, where the song "You Rescued Me" was being sung in my dream, an indication that God will rescue me from this (which he did);
(b) the arrival of an email from a friend at a really desperate time where he was able to calm me down with words of encourage and support;
(c) my family arriving back two days before - the presence of people in the house helps to ease my mind off things;
(d) a friend who guessed the exact procedure I was having and told me about his experiences with the same procedure and his evaluation of the expected result, giving me some sort of comfort;
(e) a call on the night before the procedure from a woman who gave me valuable insight and support; and
(f) understanding from people at work allowing me to take time off to help me get my mind off things.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Gratitude
So much things have been happening in my life lately, the most significant being the potential for the discovery of a certain serious illness in me. The pending medical procedure happens in a few days time and I have been quite worried about it lately and the potential result that comes out of it, to the extent that I am not able to work properly. The whole anticipation has been so tense and stressful.
Have I lived out my life in a way which God wants me to live? Even if it turns out to be something treatable or minor, I will still need to think about how I should live the rest of my life. If not, then it may be too late. Have I made use of my time here? Have I used all the gifts that God has given me? How do I face Him?
Its hard for me to tell people about this, so if you are reading this and I havn't told you, don't take it to heart.
To those who have given me encouragement and support over the past few weeks, my appreciation goes out to you. It has been hard, especially when my family is not here at the moment. I thank God for providing me with support from the most unlikely places.
Have I lived out my life in a way which God wants me to live? Even if it turns out to be something treatable or minor, I will still need to think about how I should live the rest of my life. If not, then it may be too late. Have I made use of my time here? Have I used all the gifts that God has given me? How do I face Him?
Its hard for me to tell people about this, so if you are reading this and I havn't told you, don't take it to heart.
To those who have given me encouragement and support over the past few weeks, my appreciation goes out to you. It has been hard, especially when my family is not here at the moment. I thank God for providing me with support from the most unlikely places.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
What is life? What is death?
What is life? What is death?
A living person can be regarded as dead.
A dying person can be regarded as living.
Doesn't all life end with death?
Isn't death a gateway to new life?
A living person rarely thinks about death.
But death is only a breath away for the living.
What is life? What is death?
A living person can be regarded as dead.
A dying person can be regarded as living.
Doesn't all life end with death?
Isn't death a gateway to new life?
A living person rarely thinks about death.
But death is only a breath away for the living.
What is life? What is death?
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Making bread
We only begin to appreciate what we have when we start doing things we normally wouldn't do.
Like making bread.
We take bread for granted. Just a few bucks and you can buy a loaf of bread from the supermarket, already made for you.
But do we know how hard it is to make bread?
I made bread yesterday, using flour and yeast. The whole process is a very messy one. The dough sticks to your hands. You have to wait for the dough to prove and rise, which takes a long time. And there is no guarantee that the final product is good. Not to mention the washing up afterwards.
It took me about 3 hours to make 12 bread rolls. The satisfaction of eating one straight from the oven was great. Maybe I was too hungry to notice the difference, but it is quite an achievement to turn flour into an edible bread.
Isn't it wonderful that we live in a world that is so convenient? We should be grateful of everything that we have.
Like making bread.
We take bread for granted. Just a few bucks and you can buy a loaf of bread from the supermarket, already made for you.
But do we know how hard it is to make bread?
I made bread yesterday, using flour and yeast. The whole process is a very messy one. The dough sticks to your hands. You have to wait for the dough to prove and rise, which takes a long time. And there is no guarantee that the final product is good. Not to mention the washing up afterwards.
It took me about 3 hours to make 12 bread rolls. The satisfaction of eating one straight from the oven was great. Maybe I was too hungry to notice the difference, but it is quite an achievement to turn flour into an edible bread.
Isn't it wonderful that we live in a world that is so convenient? We should be grateful of everything that we have.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Death of a Christian
What do you think it is like at the moment of death?
There is a story from a person who told his wife the moment before he died that he could hear angels coming to get him, and could see the heavens open and that the glory of God was so splendid. His wife of course saw nothing. And then he died.
There is also a story from a person who was full of fear before his death, screaming and yelling in fear before dying.
The difference between the two is that the former person was a Christian and the latter wasn't a Christian.
Why are we so afraid of death? If we are to be in the presence and glory of God when we die, why are we still seeking to be in this world? It may be a blessing if we are to leave this world early so we are less prone to suffer in this sinful world, as we are citizens of heaven temporarily living in this place.
There is a story from a person who told his wife the moment before he died that he could hear angels coming to get him, and could see the heavens open and that the glory of God was so splendid. His wife of course saw nothing. And then he died.
There is also a story from a person who was full of fear before his death, screaming and yelling in fear before dying.
The difference between the two is that the former person was a Christian and the latter wasn't a Christian.
Why are we so afraid of death? If we are to be in the presence and glory of God when we die, why are we still seeking to be in this world? It may be a blessing if we are to leave this world early so we are less prone to suffer in this sinful world, as we are citizens of heaven temporarily living in this place.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Business and responsibilities
Everyone is busy, but when you have responsibilities, you need to fulfil them even though you are busy. You need to find ways to make more effective use of your time. Even when your responsibilities come about as a result of your voluntary actions, you should still abide by them no matter how busy you are.
Maybe people nowadays do not see the importance of their responsibilities. Maybe they don't even realise they have responsibilities. Maybe they are too accustomed to reliance on others.
I have never thought of relying on others to carry out my responsibilities even though I am really busy. I use what little time I have to fulfil them - on the train, during lunch, sleeping a bit less, etc. I don't complain as I know why I am carrying out these responsibilities and that I am not doing things in vain.
Maybe I am too nice to people, trying to relieve them of their responsibilities when I think they are truly in need after their requests, but in effect, if they genuinely tried, they could have carried out their responsibilities anyway.
If everyone gives up because they are too busy, then noone would take up any responsibilities, and nothing could be achieved. If this happened, would people wake up? Or would they just move on and learn to adapt and rely on someone new?
Maybe people nowadays do not see the importance of their responsibilities. Maybe they don't even realise they have responsibilities. Maybe they are too accustomed to reliance on others.
I have never thought of relying on others to carry out my responsibilities even though I am really busy. I use what little time I have to fulfil them - on the train, during lunch, sleeping a bit less, etc. I don't complain as I know why I am carrying out these responsibilities and that I am not doing things in vain.
Maybe I am too nice to people, trying to relieve them of their responsibilities when I think they are truly in need after their requests, but in effect, if they genuinely tried, they could have carried out their responsibilities anyway.
If everyone gives up because they are too busy, then noone would take up any responsibilities, and nothing could be achieved. If this happened, would people wake up? Or would they just move on and learn to adapt and rely on someone new?
Saturday, September 02, 2006
God works...
God works in mysterious ways... when you've finally submitted to Him and are willing to face your demons, He suddenly removes those demons from you so as to assist you in carrying out His ministry more effectively...
But I sense that the road ahead may be faced with more demons than what we can see...
But I sense that the road ahead may be faced with more demons than what we can see...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Priceless moments from Melbourne trip
Not in any particular order...
1. First trip with my best friend from university.
2. Breaking my record of the most number of taxis caught within a three day period in Australia.
3. Getting on a tram in St Kilda which was going in the wrong direction, and realising it 10 stops later after talking to some old local folks.
4. Talking to a crazy man who climbed out of a bridge at Richmond and was hanging onto the bridge with his hands and being invited by the man to do the same (which I wisely declined).
5. Praying a prayer of unity at St Paul's Cathedral, kneeling at the same place where Pope John Paul II knelt in 1988.
6. Seeing the great Phar Lap in the flesh at the Melbourne Museum and reading about history of horseracing at the Racing Museum.
7. Experiencing the world of Picasso from 1935-1945 at the NGV International.
8. Sipping on a glass of Chandon sparkling wine with the best tasting vintage cheddar cheese I have ever tasted at the and overlooking at a magnificent view of the vineyards at Domaine Chandon Australia in the heart of the Yarra Valley.
9. Seeing lambs running around at the plains of the Yarra Valley and ordering a lamb shank for lunch at one of the wineries afterwards.
10. Dining at Ezard, experiencing their Japanese inspired oyster shooter and finding delight in dipping the bread into their renowned armesan, garlic and rosemary infused olive oil (which costs $30 for a 375ML bottle).
11. Dining at Pearl, experiencing their signature entree being pearl meat (at $44 per serve, costing more than the main course) and delighting in the taste sensations of the trilogy theme in their deserts.
12. Finding a store which sells Magic cards exclusively, along with rows of tables for people to play with others.
13. Understanding that the word "night shopping" in Melbourne only applies to shopping centres in the CBD and not to any of the shops and boutiques along Brunswick Street, Chapel Street and Toorak.
14. Experiencing the best coffee in the world in small cafes in many of Melbourne's small lanes.
15. Seeing fire at night from the hotel room every hour (fire being emitted from the Crown Casino which is just across from our hotel).
The only regret I have is not going to Melbourne's famous bars and jazz clubs. Oh well, maybe next time!
1. First trip with my best friend from university.
2. Breaking my record of the most number of taxis caught within a three day period in Australia.
3. Getting on a tram in St Kilda which was going in the wrong direction, and realising it 10 stops later after talking to some old local folks.
4. Talking to a crazy man who climbed out of a bridge at Richmond and was hanging onto the bridge with his hands and being invited by the man to do the same (which I wisely declined).
5. Praying a prayer of unity at St Paul's Cathedral, kneeling at the same place where Pope John Paul II knelt in 1988.
6. Seeing the great Phar Lap in the flesh at the Melbourne Museum and reading about history of horseracing at the Racing Museum.
7. Experiencing the world of Picasso from 1935-1945 at the NGV International.
8. Sipping on a glass of Chandon sparkling wine with the best tasting vintage cheddar cheese I have ever tasted at the and overlooking at a magnificent view of the vineyards at Domaine Chandon Australia in the heart of the Yarra Valley.
9. Seeing lambs running around at the plains of the Yarra Valley and ordering a lamb shank for lunch at one of the wineries afterwards.
10. Dining at Ezard, experiencing their Japanese inspired oyster shooter and finding delight in dipping the bread into their renowned armesan, garlic and rosemary infused olive oil (which costs $30 for a 375ML bottle).
11. Dining at Pearl, experiencing their signature entree being pearl meat (at $44 per serve, costing more than the main course) and delighting in the taste sensations of the trilogy theme in their deserts.
12. Finding a store which sells Magic cards exclusively, along with rows of tables for people to play with others.
13. Understanding that the word "night shopping" in Melbourne only applies to shopping centres in the CBD and not to any of the shops and boutiques along Brunswick Street, Chapel Street and Toorak.
14. Experiencing the best coffee in the world in small cafes in many of Melbourne's small lanes.
15. Seeing fire at night from the hotel room every hour (fire being emitted from the Crown Casino which is just across from our hotel).
The only regret I have is not going to Melbourne's famous bars and jazz clubs. Oh well, maybe next time!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Insecurity of a leader
It is so sad to see some people being so insecure. They see their worth through their position at church, and when they feel threatened by someone else in relation to their position, they will start defending themselves and shifting blames on their opponents, hurting others in the process.
Our worth is not based on our position or on what we do. Our value comes from the act of Christ, who died for us and made us new. Whether we attain a position or not does not determine our worth or value. God uses people in different ways. If we are not able to serve him in a position in church, God will have other uses for us.
It is so sad that someone that I respect in the past can resort to slander and gossip about me, to the extent that such confidential discussions were disclosed to me as others felt that I've been wrongly accused. It doesn't help that alot of people may believe her because of her standing or that they are too unfamiliar with our affairs in our congregation.
Maybe her time could be better spent doing constructive things for our ministry as opposed to trying to drum up support for her from other people.
I guess God is in control over everything. We need to work together to address the true issues of our congregation. However, if the leader is only interested in pursuit of her own personal ambition and personal gain, I trust that God will reveal their true nature in time.
Our worth is not based on our position or on what we do. Our value comes from the act of Christ, who died for us and made us new. Whether we attain a position or not does not determine our worth or value. God uses people in different ways. If we are not able to serve him in a position in church, God will have other uses for us.
It is so sad that someone that I respect in the past can resort to slander and gossip about me, to the extent that such confidential discussions were disclosed to me as others felt that I've been wrongly accused. It doesn't help that alot of people may believe her because of her standing or that they are too unfamiliar with our affairs in our congregation.
Maybe her time could be better spent doing constructive things for our ministry as opposed to trying to drum up support for her from other people.
I guess God is in control over everything. We need to work together to address the true issues of our congregation. However, if the leader is only interested in pursuit of her own personal ambition and personal gain, I trust that God will reveal their true nature in time.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Wishes
As one gets older, one's birthday is no longer important.
When I was younger, I look forward to my birthday, on which I will get presents and wishes from many people. Maybe birthdays to young people are important and so people tend to remember each other's birthday when they are young. As I grow older, birthdays become just another ordinary day, and most people won't attempt to remember other people's birthdays. Maybe the more birthday you have, the closer you feel that it may be your last birthday.
Anyway, on a more positive note, it is nice when a few people remembered my birthday and sent me some kind wishes this year.
When I was younger, I look forward to my birthday, on which I will get presents and wishes from many people. Maybe birthdays to young people are important and so people tend to remember each other's birthday when they are young. As I grow older, birthdays become just another ordinary day, and most people won't attempt to remember other people's birthdays. Maybe the more birthday you have, the closer you feel that it may be your last birthday.
Anyway, on a more positive note, it is nice when a few people remembered my birthday and sent me some kind wishes this year.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Walking away
Walking away is so easy. But even if walking away results in a physical absence, the destructive effects of the implications of such actions still remain.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Knowing People
I tend to know alot of people, but alot of them only on a surface face-to-face level, with no real deep interaction.
When I walk onto the streets, I often encounter people greeting me and knowing my name, but I have no idea who they are.
When I go to my firm functions, I can walk around a room of 400 employees talking to different people in different divisoins (even though I have only been with the firm for a short time), whereas my collegues tend to stay in their own groups.
But spending time with people doesn't mean that you get to know them well either. Maybe each one of us come together with too much misconceived perception of other people, and our understanding of others are more based on perception than anything else.
When I walk onto the streets, I often encounter people greeting me and knowing my name, but I have no idea who they are.
When I go to my firm functions, I can walk around a room of 400 employees talking to different people in different divisoins (even though I have only been with the firm for a short time), whereas my collegues tend to stay in their own groups.
But spending time with people doesn't mean that you get to know them well either. Maybe each one of us come together with too much misconceived perception of other people, and our understanding of others are more based on perception than anything else.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
No time to waste
Given my heavy heart over other things, relationship issues do not seem to matter anymore. Is there such a thing as an instant attraction? Will there ever be someone that you feel connected to? If a person doesn't click with you, should you just give up and move on, as you have no more time to waste?
I have no incentive to do anything at the moment.
I have no incentive to do anything at the moment.
Sense of failure
Have I failed them? Could I have done something better? Should I have done something earlier?
I laughed with them, I cried with them, I understand them. But all of them are now gone. I understand their reasons. But could I have done something more? Is it too late? Should I also be gone, just like them?
Its like a solo battle out there nowadays. If I step it up, and do more now, it will be even more lonely than before.
Noone understands. Everyone cares for themselves. Maybe I don't really understand either.
What is important anyway?
Is it a failure?
I laughed with them, I cried with them, I understand them. But all of them are now gone. I understand their reasons. But could I have done something more? Is it too late? Should I also be gone, just like them?
Its like a solo battle out there nowadays. If I step it up, and do more now, it will be even more lonely than before.
Noone understands. Everyone cares for themselves. Maybe I don't really understand either.
What is important anyway?
Is it a failure?
Monday, July 10, 2006
World Cup is over
After a month of excitement and many sleepless nights, the World Cup has finally come to an end.
The whole World Cup was filled with controversal decisions from the referees. There were so many memories from this World Cup, from Zidane's headbutt into the opposition bringing about a red card in his final game, to the defensive winning strategies of Italy. Australia's efforts may bring about a socer fever here. Klose will be remembered for scoring the most goals. The list goes on...
Seeing the final at Star City was a nice choice... the atmosphere was good, and it was satisfying to see people having no passion for the sport and watching the game because they have placed a bet. Their reaction after realising they have lost was priceless.
Four years came and went so quickly. I wonder what I would be doing in four year's time.
The whole World Cup was filled with controversal decisions from the referees. There were so many memories from this World Cup, from Zidane's headbutt into the opposition bringing about a red card in his final game, to the defensive winning strategies of Italy. Australia's efforts may bring about a socer fever here. Klose will be remembered for scoring the most goals. The list goes on...
Seeing the final at Star City was a nice choice... the atmosphere was good, and it was satisfying to see people having no passion for the sport and watching the game because they have placed a bet. Their reaction after realising they have lost was priceless.
Four years came and went so quickly. I wonder what I would be doing in four year's time.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Rude Boss
Here is an email exchange from one of the new bosses (see previous posts) to me today. I have shown the emails to my direct boss and she was also offended by it.
Boss: Can you review my comments on the pricing provisions in the deed?
Me: Are your comments incorporated into the deed on the system?
Boss: No
Me: So where are your comments?
Boss: In outer space
I was so pissed off when I read it. He didn't talk to me about it. I later found out from his lawyer that he expected me to go to him to get the deed off him with his handwritten comments. How the f*&k would I know that he wanted me to see him? Such a rude arrogant bastard.
Boss: Can you review my comments on the pricing provisions in the deed?
Me: Are your comments incorporated into the deed on the system?
Boss: No
Me: So where are your comments?
Boss: In outer space
I was so pissed off when I read it. He didn't talk to me about it. I later found out from his lawyer that he expected me to go to him to get the deed off him with his handwritten comments. How the f*&k would I know that he wanted me to see him? Such a rude arrogant bastard.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Unhappy lawyers
Lawyers are not happy people. According to a recent survey, lawyers are ranked 2nd in terms of being unhappy and dissatified with their occupation.
Why is that the case?
Although on average, we get paid more than some other occupations, alot of us do not see any satisfaction in our work. Especially being a commercial lawyer, you don't really seem to be contributing to the genuine needs of society. Looking at the partners at my law firm, they work so hard and they compete with each other so much, that most of them have family problems, with spouses and children complaining about the lack of time they are able to spend with their family. Is this where I want my life to be heading?
A recent email from an old friend in Hong Kong (also a lawyer) also shares the same concerns:
"I think about quitting my job every week but I just can't figure out what I want to do (because certain aspects of this job are still appealing to me)"
Later in the email, this friend puts things in perspective:
"But what about just focusing on what you enjoy doing at your current job? I mean these days I don't care whether I have done better than my colleague or I should do X because my colleague did X last time. I will just put in effort on things that I enjoy working on (although I have to deal with the other $hit that comes with it). You see what I mean!
Hey cheer up and you have done very well to get to where you are now."
I can try, but at the moment, my happiness at work is zero even after my promotion as I am still lost at where I want to go next.
Why is that the case?
Although on average, we get paid more than some other occupations, alot of us do not see any satisfaction in our work. Especially being a commercial lawyer, you don't really seem to be contributing to the genuine needs of society. Looking at the partners at my law firm, they work so hard and they compete with each other so much, that most of them have family problems, with spouses and children complaining about the lack of time they are able to spend with their family. Is this where I want my life to be heading?
A recent email from an old friend in Hong Kong (also a lawyer) also shares the same concerns:
"I think about quitting my job every week but I just can't figure out what I want to do (because certain aspects of this job are still appealing to me)"
Later in the email, this friend puts things in perspective:
"But what about just focusing on what you enjoy doing at your current job? I mean these days I don't care whether I have done better than my colleague or I should do X because my colleague did X last time. I will just put in effort on things that I enjoy working on (although I have to deal with the other $hit that comes with it). You see what I mean!
Hey cheer up and you have done very well to get to where you are now."
I can try, but at the moment, my happiness at work is zero even after my promotion as I am still lost at where I want to go next.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Three principles
Had another session today with an external pastor.
Three principles when thinking about going from one church to another permanently:
1. Will you be able to further the gospel in the new church?
2. What impact will your departure have in the people of your old church?
3. What impact will your departure have on yourself?
Of course, these principles will need to be followed under the theological doctrine of the church. This is a topic that I should be studying.
Three principles when thinking about going from one church to another permanently:
1. Will you be able to further the gospel in the new church?
2. What impact will your departure have in the people of your old church?
3. What impact will your departure have on yourself?
Of course, these principles will need to be followed under the theological doctrine of the church. This is a topic that I should be studying.
Another wedding attended
Man.. how many weddings do I need to attend this year? After a while, all weddings seem very similar. It is at weddings that you meet some old friends you havn't seen for years, and usually they ask you questions like "Are you seeing someone at the moment?". What made it so bad tonight was the fact that after I answered "No", my friend then said to me "Oh, sorry, all my female friends are either married or seeing someone."
Weddings are also a place to meet people. The only female that I seem interested in getting to know was the cousin of the groom. I actually met her before at the bride and groom's engagement party, and I was talking to her then, and realised that she was still in Year 12. So tonight, I did not really talked to her, as I felt wrong chatting up a teenage girl. Oh well.. it is ironic that I used to tell someone off for liking an Year 8 girl (you know who you are.. LOL).
Weddings are also a place to meet people. The only female that I seem interested in getting to know was the cousin of the groom. I actually met her before at the bride and groom's engagement party, and I was talking to her then, and realised that she was still in Year 12. So tonight, I did not really talked to her, as I felt wrong chatting up a teenage girl. Oh well.. it is ironic that I used to tell someone off for liking an Year 8 girl (you know who you are.. LOL).
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Set-up date
Well.. I never thought I would resort to agreeing to go on a date that was set up by my friend and his newly married wife.
Am I too desperate? Or do I want to try something new?
Maybe in our busy lifes, with work and other commitments, it is hard to get to know new people and to develop new relationships. I know a collegue who goes frequently to speed dating services, and she finds such services helpful, as you are able to meet 10 different people in one night.
Anyway, I arrived at the restaurant and sat down first. I saw in the corner of my eye a gossip-driven person working at the restaurant as a waitress. I was fearful that she could see what was going on. But luckily she served in another part of the restaurant so she never came near me.
Anyway, the date arrived by herself. She sat down opposite me, and as we were waiting for our friends to come, we had a short chat. She was reserved and both of us were a little uncomfortable. During our conversation, we realised that we had other common friends. The world is so small! Then our friends came, and the atmosphere was a bit more relaxed. All four of us had a friendly conversation over dinner and walked around for a while afterwards. Then I drove her back to her car and gave her my card, asking her to call me out for lunch when free.
One thing I wanted to know upfront was whether she was a Christian. So far, I knew she went to some kind of church, but I may have to enquire this further.
But the sad thing about the meeting is that I don't feel any sort of connection or spark with her. Is it too early to tell? Maybe I should take the speed dating approaching and not waste time if there is no connection? Or maybe I should get to know the person more first before forming such a conclusion.
Am I too desperate? Or do I want to try something new?
Maybe in our busy lifes, with work and other commitments, it is hard to get to know new people and to develop new relationships. I know a collegue who goes frequently to speed dating services, and she finds such services helpful, as you are able to meet 10 different people in one night.
Anyway, I arrived at the restaurant and sat down first. I saw in the corner of my eye a gossip-driven person working at the restaurant as a waitress. I was fearful that she could see what was going on. But luckily she served in another part of the restaurant so she never came near me.
Anyway, the date arrived by herself. She sat down opposite me, and as we were waiting for our friends to come, we had a short chat. She was reserved and both of us were a little uncomfortable. During our conversation, we realised that we had other common friends. The world is so small! Then our friends came, and the atmosphere was a bit more relaxed. All four of us had a friendly conversation over dinner and walked around for a while afterwards. Then I drove her back to her car and gave her my card, asking her to call me out for lunch when free.
One thing I wanted to know upfront was whether she was a Christian. So far, I knew she went to some kind of church, but I may have to enquire this further.
But the sad thing about the meeting is that I don't feel any sort of connection or spark with her. Is it too early to tell? Maybe I should take the speed dating approaching and not waste time if there is no connection? Or maybe I should get to know the person more first before forming such a conclusion.
Why don't you do it?
When I ask you to do something, I really hate it when you respond in the following way:
"Hmm.. why don't you do it?".
Well, if I have time to do it, I wouldn't be asking you in the first place. Maybe I should just do everything, and you can just sit there and do nothing. If you don't want to do it, just say "No". Don't try to make me feel guity by asking you. Maybe next time I should answer:
"If you want to do everything that I am doing now, then I will do this for you."
How much stuff do you do, and how much stuff do I do? I need a rest and a break too. So can you just help out when you can? And you call your responses a loving response to a brother in Christ?
"Hmm.. why don't you do it?".
Well, if I have time to do it, I wouldn't be asking you in the first place. Maybe I should just do everything, and you can just sit there and do nothing. If you don't want to do it, just say "No". Don't try to make me feel guity by asking you. Maybe next time I should answer:
"If you want to do everything that I am doing now, then I will do this for you."
How much stuff do you do, and how much stuff do I do? I need a rest and a break too. So can you just help out when you can? And you call your responses a loving response to a brother in Christ?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Demotivated
Demotivated at doing everything.
I got the promotion I wanted. I don't know what I want now. The next level up is to partnership, which I do not find attractive at all.
I have been so careless with everything. No motivation to perform, or do things well.
Need to be motivated again.
I got the promotion I wanted. I don't know what I want now. The next level up is to partnership, which I do not find attractive at all.
I have been so careless with everything. No motivation to perform, or do things well.
Need to be motivated again.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Disconnection
There are times I feel disconnected. Disconnected with everything around me. Disconnected with my family, my friends, my surroundings. Any connection I feel is only temporary, and is only a partial connection.
There are times I try hard to connect. In alot of situations, the other party perceives that I have connected successfully. But from my perspective, the connection is only partial.
How are we to live in this semi-connected disconnected world?
There are times I try hard to connect. In alot of situations, the other party perceives that I have connected successfully. But from my perspective, the connection is only partial.
How are we to live in this semi-connected disconnected world?
Anticipation to a different life stage
It's only been a year since the last time I went to a party organised by my friend.
This time round, I am there for his engagement party, with the wedding in two weeks.
The same familiar faces from previous parties, but there are a number of babies there as well now. Some people now have partners. I remembered speaking to a person last year about relationships and how hard it is to find a suitable person. This year, he is there with his girlfriend and he asked me about whether I have a girlfriend.
I just received an email from Hong Kong about two of my friends getting married.
Everyone is stepping into a different life stage.
I am still here... in the same life stage as last year. Come to think of it, I am in the same life stage as the last World Cup.
Anticipation to a different life stage... is this due to peer pressure?
This time round, I am there for his engagement party, with the wedding in two weeks.
The same familiar faces from previous parties, but there are a number of babies there as well now. Some people now have partners. I remembered speaking to a person last year about relationships and how hard it is to find a suitable person. This year, he is there with his girlfriend and he asked me about whether I have a girlfriend.
I just received an email from Hong Kong about two of my friends getting married.
Everyone is stepping into a different life stage.
I am still here... in the same life stage as last year. Come to think of it, I am in the same life stage as the last World Cup.
Anticipation to a different life stage... is this due to peer pressure?
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Swear?
I don't swear at work, or at home, or at church... but I swear whenever I play any type of sports... including hitting an unforced error in tennis, or missing the cue in snooker. Why? Am I too stressed everyday that I need to release my stress this way? Or do I lack self control? Oh well...
Global Corporate Challenge 2
Its been a few weeks now. The Global Corporate Challenge has been going on for a few weeks now. Sometimes its a pain to carry the pedometers around everyday but our team is doing well overall. We are now ranked 2nd overall in our firm, and we are in the top 200 in Australia (out of 2000 teams). We are all trying very hard to exceed our target of 10,000 steps per day per person. My boss walked in the rain last night to get extra steps in. I am jogging in front of the TV at night to get my steps up.
Actually, I actually feel a bit better after jogging. Maybe I have been too lazy in the past and my body needs exercise badly. I actually hope that I will become fitter as a result.
Actually, I actually feel a bit better after jogging. Maybe I have been too lazy in the past and my body needs exercise badly. I actually hope that I will become fitter as a result.
Promotion
I got my promotion, effective as of 1 July.
Do I feel happy and excited? Yes, I do. I actually feel more relieved than anything. I know this is the best year for me to be promoted, in terms of having a business case and the fact that there are a few clients who came to the firm through me this year when my boss was away on sabbatical. I feel good that I am able to get the promotion without the need to be involved in any major politics.
It seems like people around me are more happier than me about me being promoted. My collegues and bosses send me endless congratulations. My boss even brought me a bottle of wine.
But in my mind, whether I get a promotion or not does not affect my continous thoughts of whether I should continue working in this firm, or even in the industry. Maybe I am a person who likes to experiment with new ideas and new things, and staying at the one place or industry may bore me. The promotion doesn't really change much of what I am doing at the moment, so there is no real added challenge.
But no matter what happens, it is a testament to the fact that I am recognised for what I do and appreciated by the firm and its people. This has erased some of the past hurts I experienced in the early years of my career. Even though the process seems long, I still thank God for giving me the opportunities to learn through trials and develop me into the person that I am today.
I know that I am expected to bill and meet all my targeted fees and time now. I am not really fazed by it. Whether I am able to meet them or not depends on alot of factors outside my control. And it doesn't help that I have taken some pro bono matters on, which is not billable, but I feel really great in actually helping the people in need who have no money to pay fees. Maybe I should reconsider my career? But the issue is always monetary compensation vs ethical satisfaction.
Do I feel happy and excited? Yes, I do. I actually feel more relieved than anything. I know this is the best year for me to be promoted, in terms of having a business case and the fact that there are a few clients who came to the firm through me this year when my boss was away on sabbatical. I feel good that I am able to get the promotion without the need to be involved in any major politics.
It seems like people around me are more happier than me about me being promoted. My collegues and bosses send me endless congratulations. My boss even brought me a bottle of wine.
But in my mind, whether I get a promotion or not does not affect my continous thoughts of whether I should continue working in this firm, or even in the industry. Maybe I am a person who likes to experiment with new ideas and new things, and staying at the one place or industry may bore me. The promotion doesn't really change much of what I am doing at the moment, so there is no real added challenge.
But no matter what happens, it is a testament to the fact that I am recognised for what I do and appreciated by the firm and its people. This has erased some of the past hurts I experienced in the early years of my career. Even though the process seems long, I still thank God for giving me the opportunities to learn through trials and develop me into the person that I am today.
I know that I am expected to bill and meet all my targeted fees and time now. I am not really fazed by it. Whether I am able to meet them or not depends on alot of factors outside my control. And it doesn't help that I have taken some pro bono matters on, which is not billable, but I feel really great in actually helping the people in need who have no money to pay fees. Maybe I should reconsider my career? But the issue is always monetary compensation vs ethical satisfaction.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Wandering Mind...
The cold wind blew across my face as I waited at the platform for my train. Looking out onto the harbour, my thoughts turned to her.
We havn't spoken or seen each other for more than 6 months now. Sometimes I would wonder where she is now or what she is doing.
I remembered a dream I had the other night. I dreamt that she and I were walking in a maze-like jungle, and we had an argument. We went our separate ways, but I was able to find the destinition first. After a while, she arrived holding a baby in her arms. I saw the baby crying and took the baby off her. Then I woke up.
As I tried to interpret the meaning of my dream, I heard the sound of a guitar from outside the station, playing the melody to 'Love Story'. The wind blew harder and the void in my soul grew deeper.
I remembered attending a wedding the other week, at which the pretty bridesmaid sat at my table. A guy on my table tried very hard to pick her up that day, which I later found out he failed. I remembered asking the newly weds afterwards about that girl and some of the other girls at the wedding. Was this a sign of desperation?
I realised that my life was very fulfilling, filled with so many things to do and with so many people. But I also realised that a part of my life was missing - a part of me that I am yearning to love and be loved.
I saw that I may be very choosy. Many girls have appeared in my life, whom I have shown no interest to at all. My head was filled with the irony about relationships in that they work both ways - you would be able to choose or reject another and they would be able to choose or reject you.
The wind continued to blow. My mind continued to wander into the eternally vast sphere of void and emptiness.
We havn't spoken or seen each other for more than 6 months now. Sometimes I would wonder where she is now or what she is doing.
I remembered a dream I had the other night. I dreamt that she and I were walking in a maze-like jungle, and we had an argument. We went our separate ways, but I was able to find the destinition first. After a while, she arrived holding a baby in her arms. I saw the baby crying and took the baby off her. Then I woke up.
As I tried to interpret the meaning of my dream, I heard the sound of a guitar from outside the station, playing the melody to 'Love Story'. The wind blew harder and the void in my soul grew deeper.
I remembered attending a wedding the other week, at which the pretty bridesmaid sat at my table. A guy on my table tried very hard to pick her up that day, which I later found out he failed. I remembered asking the newly weds afterwards about that girl and some of the other girls at the wedding. Was this a sign of desperation?
I realised that my life was very fulfilling, filled with so many things to do and with so many people. But I also realised that a part of my life was missing - a part of me that I am yearning to love and be loved.
I saw that I may be very choosy. Many girls have appeared in my life, whom I have shown no interest to at all. My head was filled with the irony about relationships in that they work both ways - you would be able to choose or reject another and they would be able to choose or reject you.
The wind continued to blow. My mind continued to wander into the eternally vast sphere of void and emptiness.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Support
When I'm young, it seems like support from others are so plentiful. It's a matter of whether I want to rely on people as support or not. Maybe I have very little expectations of what I want.
As I grow older, it is getting harder and harder for me to find support. Support that I have established in the past may crumble down, or disappear, due to unforseen circumstances. And as I grow older, I become a support for others, while still seeking my own support. Ironically, some of the people that I am supporting will in turn be the people I rely on for support. But these support seem weak compared to what I expect.
And as more and more support is removed from my life, I begin to find support in the most unlikely places. Ad hoc supports through chance meetings or random occasions.
Maybe as one grows older, the form of support changes until one can truly rely on our Lord, the Rock of Ages.
As I grow older, it is getting harder and harder for me to find support. Support that I have established in the past may crumble down, or disappear, due to unforseen circumstances. And as I grow older, I become a support for others, while still seeking my own support. Ironically, some of the people that I am supporting will in turn be the people I rely on for support. But these support seem weak compared to what I expect.
And as more and more support is removed from my life, I begin to find support in the most unlikely places. Ad hoc supports through chance meetings or random occasions.
Maybe as one grows older, the form of support changes until one can truly rely on our Lord, the Rock of Ages.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Gratitude
A friend borrowed a fairly large amount of money from me a few years ago, when he was in desperate need. I didn't know him that well, but he is a brother from another church who is a trustworthy person, so I borrowed him the amount. I have never asked him for the money back (nor expected to receive it back), but he met up with me today and repay a greater amount than the amount I lent him. He told me to keep the extra and consider it a blessing from God.
Its a good feeling to be able to help someone and being appreciated.
Its a good feeling to be able to help someone and being appreciated.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Mobile phone numbers
Have you ever gone through your contact list in your mobile phone. What do you notice? A long list of contacts, alot of whom you havn't contacted in years and that you have no intention of contacting them again in the near future? But you will never delete them just in case you wish to contact them one day.
Maybe we keep those contacts as they bring back memories. People you used to be friends with. Your ex girlfriends. Your ex collegues. It is so weird for us to ring someone we haven't seen in a while. What do we say? Maybe theres nothing we want to say to these people anymore.
Ironically, maybe half of those contacts are no longer here or have changed their numbers.
I tried one of those numbers tonight and the number seem to have changed.
Maybe we keep those contacts as they bring back memories. People you used to be friends with. Your ex girlfriends. Your ex collegues. It is so weird for us to ring someone we haven't seen in a while. What do we say? Maybe theres nothing we want to say to these people anymore.
Ironically, maybe half of those contacts are no longer here or have changed their numbers.
I tried one of those numbers tonight and the number seem to have changed.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Loving your enemies
As I blogged before, I basically dislike the new boss, with his bad attitde, lack of sensativity for others and his demanding nature.
The other day I was in his room. He had a invitation postcard fromEcom with an invitation to a talk about the Christian perspective on the Da Vinci Code. He said to me "Oh are you interested. If you are then I will go with you as I don't want to go myself".
I am now in a conflict. I loathe being with him, let alone to after work. I would be content to go to the presentation by myself. However, I don't think he is a Christian and so for the sake of him knowing Christ, I should tell him I am going and encourage him to go. I think this is a good practical application of "loving our neighbours". Who am I to judge when God freely gave his grace for me without judging me. I should at least give him the opportunity to receive this grace from God. Who knows. God may change him!
The other day I was in his room. He had a invitation postcard from
I am now in a conflict. I loathe being with him, let alone to after work. I would be content to go to the presentation by myself. However, I don't think he is a Christian and so for the sake of him knowing Christ, I should tell him I am going and encourage him to go. I think this is a good practical application of "loving our neighbours". Who am I to judge when God freely gave his grace for me without judging me. I should at least give him the opportunity to receive this grace from God. Who knows. God may change him!
Global Corporate Challenge
I joined the Global Corpoarte Challenge with six other people from my group at work. Our firm has several teams participating in this event this year. It starts at the end of May.
The purpose of the Global Corporate Challenge is for each person in the team to walk at least 10,000 steps a day for four months. The steps are calculated using a pedometer. If a group achieves this, this would be equivalent to the group having walked around the whole world.
I actually thought it would be quite easy until I did a practice trial yesterday. I actually walked for an hour in the morning and the rest of the day I did what I usually do on Saturday and went out at night. When I came home, my pedometer read 10,500 steps. If I am to clock up 10,000 steps a day, I would need to walk an hour every day in the morning. I would really rather sleep that extra hour.
Maybe I can find ways of achieving that target through other means, like pacing while standing on the train. LOL
Global Corporate Challenge Link
The purpose of the Global Corporate Challenge is for each person in the team to walk at least 10,000 steps a day for four months. The steps are calculated using a pedometer. If a group achieves this, this would be equivalent to the group having walked around the whole world.
I actually thought it would be quite easy until I did a practice trial yesterday. I actually walked for an hour in the morning and the rest of the day I did what I usually do on Saturday and went out at night. When I came home, my pedometer read 10,500 steps. If I am to clock up 10,000 steps a day, I would need to walk an hour every day in the morning. I would really rather sleep that extra hour.
Maybe I can find ways of achieving that target through other means, like pacing while standing on the train. LOL
Global Corporate Challenge Link
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Out of the church comfort zone
Churches tend to focus on things that happen inside the building. Relationships. Music. Equipments. Programs.
How much focus do we place on the people who are outside the church building. How much emphasis do we place on evangelism or cross culture missions? Most people tend to frown upon the idea of going out to the public. They come up with excuses of not being equipped enough. Do they remember what the Great Commission is?
When we are focused on the work of God, we would not be too concerned of what is going on inside the building. Yes, relationships and programs are important, but when we are out in the fields, we would not have time to be concerned about ourselves or how we could make things more comfortable in our church, as our priority is to win people for God. Our whole focus changes. We will be focused on God's word as we know His word is the source of our faith, and all programs or music will just be a means to understanding His word, not replacing His word. Relationships will then be built up with people who are like-minded, having the same focus.
God has provided me with alot of random people over the past few years which I am thankful about. These are the people I can share my ministry concerns with and who spurs me on and encourages me. They may not know me as well as some of my brothers and sisters at church, but they can support me in a different way. Because of the nature of such relationships, my association with them may be only be of an ultra short duration, but at least they provided support for me at a critical moment.
God is blessing...
How much focus do we place on the people who are outside the church building. How much emphasis do we place on evangelism or cross culture missions? Most people tend to frown upon the idea of going out to the public. They come up with excuses of not being equipped enough. Do they remember what the Great Commission is?
When we are focused on the work of God, we would not be too concerned of what is going on inside the building. Yes, relationships and programs are important, but when we are out in the fields, we would not have time to be concerned about ourselves or how we could make things more comfortable in our church, as our priority is to win people for God. Our whole focus changes. We will be focused on God's word as we know His word is the source of our faith, and all programs or music will just be a means to understanding His word, not replacing His word. Relationships will then be built up with people who are like-minded, having the same focus.
God has provided me with alot of random people over the past few years which I am thankful about. These are the people I can share my ministry concerns with and who spurs me on and encourages me. They may not know me as well as some of my brothers and sisters at church, but they can support me in a different way. Because of the nature of such relationships, my association with them may be only be of an ultra short duration, but at least they provided support for me at a critical moment.
God is blessing...
Helpless 3
Just an update. My collegue's sister died yesterday. A card was passed around at work today. I didn't know what to write as words just can't comfort a person when their loved ones passed away. I also sent him an encouragement SMS tonight.
I feel even more helpless when you see someone walking away from their faith. When someone chooses the wisdom of this world over the wisdom of God, thinking that they have made the better choice. When someone can just ignore what God has done for them in the past and choose to keep God away from their lives, only to blame God when things go wrong. How can they make such a decision when they realise how much God loves them, and that our bodies no longer belong to ourselves since we have been bought by the blood of Christ? Shouldn't we be thankful to Him and learn to live a life that is pleasing to Him, not pleasing to ourselves, since we now belong to Him? When will they understand?
What can you do when someone who has been seeking God tells you that they have decided not to believe in God?
We are so helpless....
I feel even more helpless when you see someone walking away from their faith. When someone chooses the wisdom of this world over the wisdom of God, thinking that they have made the better choice. When someone can just ignore what God has done for them in the past and choose to keep God away from their lives, only to blame God when things go wrong. How can they make such a decision when they realise how much God loves them, and that our bodies no longer belong to ourselves since we have been bought by the blood of Christ? Shouldn't we be thankful to Him and learn to live a life that is pleasing to Him, not pleasing to ourselves, since we now belong to Him? When will they understand?
What can you do when someone who has been seeking God tells you that they have decided not to believe in God?
We are so helpless....
Friday, May 05, 2006
Crash
I walked home from the station and saw a young woman crossing the road at a zebra crossing. A car didn't see her, and crashed right into her. She was hit in the hips and bounced off the car and onto the road. I was so shocked that I yelled loudly "Fuck!!". The woman's father ran out (as he was on the other side) and the woman, to my surpised, picked herself up.
I just stood with them and told her to see a doctor as soon as possible. I left her my contact details just in case she needed me as a witness. Luckily the driver of the car was shocked too, and didn't leave the scene.
I saw other people just walked on by, even though they saw the whole accident. The sad thing was most of them that walked past without offering any help were Asians.
I just stood with them and told her to see a doctor as soon as possible. I left her my contact details just in case she needed me as a witness. Luckily the driver of the car was shocked too, and didn't leave the scene.
I saw other people just walked on by, even though they saw the whole accident. The sad thing was most of them that walked past without offering any help were Asians.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Helpless 2
Your collegue. You work with him everyday. You have lunch with him. You go to drinks with him. You go to social activities with him.
How do you react when you find out that his sister is dying and has only days to live? And you find out from his boss, not from him, as he only told his boss since he was taking leave.
All I could do was sent a SMS to him to tell him that I would be praying for him and his family.
He turned up at the office today, and he was in his room the whole day. When I left the office I went to his room, and talked to him. I didn't know what to say when he described to me what his sister was going through. All I could say was that he should spend more time with her and stop worrying about work, since someone else could do his work. I advised him to do what he felt was best so to avoid any regrets afterwards.
He then told me he wished he was religious so that he could feel better. I told him that being religious wouldn't necessary help in situations like this, knowing in my mind that it would be worse if a Christian sees his loved one, who is not a Christian, dying.
I thought of evangelising but felt that it wasn't the right situation to do so.
We are so helpless.
How do you react when you find out that his sister is dying and has only days to live? And you find out from his boss, not from him, as he only told his boss since he was taking leave.
All I could do was sent a SMS to him to tell him that I would be praying for him and his family.
He turned up at the office today, and he was in his room the whole day. When I left the office I went to his room, and talked to him. I didn't know what to say when he described to me what his sister was going through. All I could say was that he should spend more time with her and stop worrying about work, since someone else could do his work. I advised him to do what he felt was best so to avoid any regrets afterwards.
He then told me he wished he was religious so that he could feel better. I told him that being religious wouldn't necessary help in situations like this, knowing in my mind that it would be worse if a Christian sees his loved one, who is not a Christian, dying.
I thought of evangelising but felt that it wasn't the right situation to do so.
We are so helpless.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Friday blues
Friday afternoon - 5.30pm. He asked me to his office. He has just reviewed the fee proposal and structures paper that I drafted earlier in the day for the client. He wanted changes to be done straight away as he promised the client that we'll get back to him on Friday night. He said he will wait for it to be completed before he goes.
Friday afternoon - 6.00pm. Came out of his office, and asked the word processor on my floor to make those amendments, hoping that she can complete it in half an hour or so.
Friday afternoon - 6.30pm. Went to check on her, but she was surfing the net and told me she hasn't started. Stressed again that the work was urgent, and she started typing.
Friday night - 7pm. Was told that Word crashed, and that she lost two schedules from the paper. She promised that she will get another word processor from another floor to help her out.
Friday night - 7.05pm. Told him about the crash. He said nothing.
Friday night - 8pm. Everything is completed. All work checked and I went to give it to him. But he has already left. Started swearing. Why did he f*cking leave and not tell me and asked me to wait? What should I do now? If he said the work was urgent and that the client was waiting for it, shouldn't he wait around for it too?
Friday night - 8.05pm. Didn't give a f*ck and sent it as draft to him. Left office with collegues to drinks. More bitching about him.
Note: This is not the first time he did something like this. Makes me mad!
Friday afternoon - 6.00pm. Came out of his office, and asked the word processor on my floor to make those amendments, hoping that she can complete it in half an hour or so.
Friday afternoon - 6.30pm. Went to check on her, but she was surfing the net and told me she hasn't started. Stressed again that the work was urgent, and she started typing.
Friday night - 7pm. Was told that Word crashed, and that she lost two schedules from the paper. She promised that she will get another word processor from another floor to help her out.
Friday night - 7.05pm. Told him about the crash. He said nothing.
Friday night - 8pm. Everything is completed. All work checked and I went to give it to him. But he has already left. Started swearing. Why did he f*cking leave and not tell me and asked me to wait? What should I do now? If he said the work was urgent and that the client was waiting for it, shouldn't he wait around for it too?
Friday night - 8.05pm. Didn't give a f*ck and sent it as draft to him. Left office with collegues to drinks. More bitching about him.
Note: This is not the first time he did something like this. Makes me mad!
Monday, April 17, 2006
Shows
A good show engages the audience. That is why I got excited by shaking hands with Eason and Lam, and going out in the mosh pit to grab their signed tennis ball, as the atmosphere makes you want to do that. Normally I would not do that, but Eason was so good in creating a fun atmosphere.
A good show will continue no matter what happens. Eason and Lam continued their show even though they had to make small talks during the show to determine who sings first. We had to continue with our Good Friday service even though someone stumbled during the bible reading.
Audience is very important. During the Good Friday service, I was still reflecting on the sermon when sining the response hymn, and after the first line my mind went blank. Luckily, the audience was loud in their singing and that got me going again. The enthusiam of the audience in singing the songs encourages us to lead the service.
Atmosphere is also very important. During the Hillsong Easter service, the use of smokes enhanced the performance of Rebecca St James. We used candles and soft lighting to enhance the mood of our Good Friday service.
Once the show ends, there is a feeling of loss. This applies to the organiser of the show. However, even though the show has ended, its effects continue to live on in the hearts of the audience. Hopefully, the message of Easter is in the hearts of the audience attending the Good Friday service (just like Eason's songs are entrenched in my heart at the moment making me wanting to sing karaoke).
A good show will continue no matter what happens. Eason and Lam continued their show even though they had to make small talks during the show to determine who sings first. We had to continue with our Good Friday service even though someone stumbled during the bible reading.
Audience is very important. During the Good Friday service, I was still reflecting on the sermon when sining the response hymn, and after the first line my mind went blank. Luckily, the audience was loud in their singing and that got me going again. The enthusiam of the audience in singing the songs encourages us to lead the service.
Atmosphere is also very important. During the Hillsong Easter service, the use of smokes enhanced the performance of Rebecca St James. We used candles and soft lighting to enhance the mood of our Good Friday service.
Once the show ends, there is a feeling of loss. This applies to the organiser of the show. However, even though the show has ended, its effects continue to live on in the hearts of the audience. Hopefully, the message of Easter is in the hearts of the audience attending the Good Friday service (just like Eason's songs are entrenched in my heart at the moment making me wanting to sing karaoke).
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Equination part 2
The game is so frustrating!! You spend hours studying pedigrees of horses. You try to breed your mares to the perfect stallion. You look through the sales board to find cheap high quality horses that people discarded as they don't have enough patient. You build up your stable with quality lined horses, and you expect that after a few training sessions, they will do well.
But they don't. Some even went backwards. Why? They got perfect lines, and yet they suck on the track. Should I sell or keep training?
It is so ironic that the best horses in my stable at the moment are old horses aged over 10 years old. And these horses I should have retired years ago. All my new stock suck.
I need to have more patience to train them, and hopefully they can bring me back some money soon.
If you want to play, please log in through the banner below. Join up and become a basic member like me (free). I will give you a few of good lower level horses for you to begin with.
But they don't. Some even went backwards. Why? They got perfect lines, and yet they suck on the track. Should I sell or keep training?
It is so ironic that the best horses in my stable at the moment are old horses aged over 10 years old. And these horses I should have retired years ago. All my new stock suck.
I need to have more patience to train them, and hopefully they can bring me back some money soon.
If you want to play, please log in through the banner below. Join up and become a basic member like me (free). I will give you a few of good lower level horses for you to begin with.
Knowing others
Just found out at drinks last night that one of our collegues is going through a really difficult time at the moment, as his sister is undergoing treatment for cancer. He did not tell anyone about it, even though he has been locked in his room looking really depressed and stressed out in the last few months. We feel bad as none of us knew what was happening, and the only reason one of us found out was that his mom rang, and he was not there to pick up his phone, and his mom left a message with one of the secretaries telling him that his sister was out of a cancer operation.
You don't expect to grow so close to people that you work with, but you do. You see them everyday, you talk to them and you work with them. You understand their strengths and weaknesses, and you form a special kind of bond with them. And when they are in trouble, you want to care for them, but maybe the work enviornment doesn't allow you to do that easily.
I feel guilty as I know he has been down, so I have been going into his room once in a while and talking to him about random stuff to take his mind off his stress, not realising that he is going through this. Maybe he just needs some time alone to think through things.
Ironically, you expect that love and care from a religious institution, not a corporate profit-driven law firm.
You don't expect to grow so close to people that you work with, but you do. You see them everyday, you talk to them and you work with them. You understand their strengths and weaknesses, and you form a special kind of bond with them. And when they are in trouble, you want to care for them, but maybe the work enviornment doesn't allow you to do that easily.
I feel guilty as I know he has been down, so I have been going into his room once in a while and talking to him about random stuff to take his mind off his stress, not realising that he is going through this. Maybe he just needs some time alone to think through things.
Ironically, you expect that love and care from a religious institution, not a corporate profit-driven law firm.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Helpless
We are so limited in our ability to help others. We feel their pain, we empathise with them, we show our care to them. But we are not able to relieve them from the emotional torture they are going through. Ironically, we understand what they are going through, and in some way you are able to acknowledge their situation, but its hard to find a concrete solution for them. Maybe we are all in the same situation already, and all of us are trying to find a solution. Such a solution may not come from a change in physical situation or the existence of a certain person, but may only come about as a result of our spiritual realisation.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Why?
When I first meet a person, and she is already dating, I would not even consider her as a potential partner even if we develop a close friendship, as I think that such actions are inappropriate and unethical.
Ironically, if they do ever break up, it will be hard to consider her again, since both of us see each other as friends only and it will be weird for another relationship to be developed between us.
Ironically, if they do ever break up, it will be hard to consider her again, since both of us see each other as friends only and it will be weird for another relationship to be developed between us.
3luv4all
Loving God, loving others and loving ourselves are not three separate kinds of love. You will need to understand and love yourself, before you are able to love others and love God. If you don't love others, you can't claim that you love God. These three loves are interconnected with one another and not indepedent.
Its easy to love people that we connect with. Its hard to love people that have a grudge against you or people that you can't stand. If we can't love them, we can't claim that we truly love God.
Its easy to love people that we connect with. Its hard to love people that have a grudge against you or people that you can't stand. If we can't love them, we can't claim that we truly love God.
Office politics
Feel like being used as a pawn at the moment for office politics between the higher authorities. I should be diplomatic, but I can't since there is a strong sense of what is correct and ethical in this case. I can only try to escape by burying myself in current tasks, but I must face it eventually. The timing is all wrong as this may adversely affect my ability to be promoted.
And the irony is that the promotion only matters to me because I think I deserve it, not that I really desire it. But I still want it to happen.
Who understands the dilemma? Not even my collegue fully appreciates the situation. People outside the industry wouldn't understand either.
And the irony is that the promotion only matters to me because I think I deserve it, not that I really desire it. But I still want it to happen.
Who understands the dilemma? Not even my collegue fully appreciates the situation. People outside the industry wouldn't understand either.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Showing or Lacking Love?
How much love do we show? Some recent observations about events happening around me:
1. People complaining others not showing love, but they themselves won't do anything but are only content in complaining.
2. People happily willing to spend the night at someone's place to play games and have fun, and they are more than willing to allow the homeowner to clean their mess in front of them afterwards.
3. People abusing our love and trust of others, expecting others to be there for them when it is convenient for them and ignoring us when we are of no value.
4. People only showing concern at events, but do not show any concern about the root cause of such events, and the impact it has on people. People only show concern to those who are directly affected by the event, but show no concern to us who are greatly affected indirectly by the event.
5. People not realising how much we've done for them and show no appreciation for what we've done, taking things for granted and abandoning us when things don't work out anymore.
The fact that I am posting this shows that I may be guity as well.
1. People complaining others not showing love, but they themselves won't do anything but are only content in complaining.
2. People happily willing to spend the night at someone's place to play games and have fun, and they are more than willing to allow the homeowner to clean their mess in front of them afterwards.
3. People abusing our love and trust of others, expecting others to be there for them when it is convenient for them and ignoring us when we are of no value.
4. People only showing concern at events, but do not show any concern about the root cause of such events, and the impact it has on people. People only show concern to those who are directly affected by the event, but show no concern to us who are greatly affected indirectly by the event.
5. People not realising how much we've done for them and show no appreciation for what we've done, taking things for granted and abandoning us when things don't work out anymore.
The fact that I am posting this shows that I may be guity as well.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Reality of Full Time Ministry in Chinese Churches
At a recent training day, a pastor mentioned that you would know that you are suitable for full time ministry when someone is willing to pay you for it. Several issues flow out of this:
1. Would you be comfortable in taking money for doing God's work? And if you are, then you would want to do it well. But whether a pastor is doing his job well or not is very subjective. What is the measure? If the deacons think you are doing a bad job (but the congregation thinks to the contrary) and you are 'fired' as a result, does that mean you are not suitable for full time ministry? Or should you just change to a different church, although you are attached to the people you are pastoring in your old church? Or should you fight to stay in your old church for the sake of those people you are pastoring as you don't want to abandon them without a leader.
2. Demanding a certain level of remuneration is contrary to the idea of taking up your cross for doing ministry. And on one level you need to have faith in God's providence, but on another level, if a church wants someone that is good, should they pay them a reasonable amount to attract quality candidates to the role as a pastor. I am not talking about smaller churches, but those large churches who have more than enough funding but are not willing to put out the money to attract quality people to be pastors. Maybe this is a process from God for the individual to see whether they are willing to bear the costs of taking such a role. Or maybe we can learn from Hillsong churches.
3. Although in alot of respects, the culture of Anglo churches would suit us more than Chinese churches, the reality is that it is more effective for Chinese to reach to Chinese, even if we speak in English. Does that mean that we need to persevere and endure the inefficiencies of the Chinese church structure and have patience for slow changes to be made over time?
1. Would you be comfortable in taking money for doing God's work? And if you are, then you would want to do it well. But whether a pastor is doing his job well or not is very subjective. What is the measure? If the deacons think you are doing a bad job (but the congregation thinks to the contrary) and you are 'fired' as a result, does that mean you are not suitable for full time ministry? Or should you just change to a different church, although you are attached to the people you are pastoring in your old church? Or should you fight to stay in your old church for the sake of those people you are pastoring as you don't want to abandon them without a leader.
2. Demanding a certain level of remuneration is contrary to the idea of taking up your cross for doing ministry. And on one level you need to have faith in God's providence, but on another level, if a church wants someone that is good, should they pay them a reasonable amount to attract quality candidates to the role as a pastor. I am not talking about smaller churches, but those large churches who have more than enough funding but are not willing to put out the money to attract quality people to be pastors. Maybe this is a process from God for the individual to see whether they are willing to bear the costs of taking such a role. Or maybe we can learn from Hillsong churches.
3. Although in alot of respects, the culture of Anglo churches would suit us more than Chinese churches, the reality is that it is more effective for Chinese to reach to Chinese, even if we speak in English. Does that mean that we need to persevere and endure the inefficiencies of the Chinese church structure and have patience for slow changes to be made over time?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Equination
What better way to take my mind off troubles than playing online computer games.
I have always been fascinated by horses from a very early age. I like the way they move and the speed they get from racing. As I get older, I enjoyed seeing horse races, and later on, learnt about horses through the newspaper and the form guide. At one stage I was so familiar that I even looked at the sires and dams of horses.
I have never liked to gamble excessively, so this interest is purely for personal pleasure.
Anyway, I discovered a game at www.equination.net a few years agao. It is a very realistic horseracing game, where you are the trainer, and you train and breed horses and put them in races that rates from Starter Allowance level to Group 1 level. A very addictive game. I have asked my friend to look after my account for me for 1.5 years but I recently picked it up again, and its so fun, buying and training horses, and looking at their lines and trying to find a bargain and train a winner. Most of my horses are now quite old (over 10) and I have retired them to the breeding barn. Some are still racing at 14. Very unrealistic. But the whole game is really fun and time consuming but I guess if you are not a horse lover, you will find it boring and slow.
I have always been fascinated by horses from a very early age. I like the way they move and the speed they get from racing. As I get older, I enjoyed seeing horse races, and later on, learnt about horses through the newspaper and the form guide. At one stage I was so familiar that I even looked at the sires and dams of horses.
I have never liked to gamble excessively, so this interest is purely for personal pleasure.
Anyway, I discovered a game at www.equination.net a few years agao. It is a very realistic horseracing game, where you are the trainer, and you train and breed horses and put them in races that rates from Starter Allowance level to Group 1 level. A very addictive game. I have asked my friend to look after my account for me for 1.5 years but I recently picked it up again, and its so fun, buying and training horses, and looking at their lines and trying to find a bargain and train a winner. Most of my horses are now quite old (over 10) and I have retired them to the breeding barn. Some are still racing at 14. Very unrealistic. But the whole game is really fun and time consuming but I guess if you are not a horse lover, you will find it boring and slow.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Discouragement
We are supposed to encourage one another and love one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. But often, the reality is more about discouragement between brothers and sisters than encouragement.
In church, if people do a good job at something, there is no encouragement from others. But if there is a small problem, people become critical and judgemental towards you. Why are we like that? Getting the congregation together to talk about how to improve the Sunday services through administrative tasks only results in expressions of personal opinions as opposed to finding a way to enhance our experience of God through worship. Noone talked about how we can be closer to God through worship. We just talked about insignificant things like how to better set out the bulletin. We did not even discussed how we can be drawn closer to God and glorify Him through worship, which should be the reason why we are at church on Sundays. We can say we would like this or that, but when it comes down to implementation, noone is willing to help. How can we change if we lack resources? Why do they even raise it in the first place if there is no solution? Why can't they understand that we lack resources and that I am doing the best I can with what I am given.
And how about parents trying to intervene with their children. If their children comes to me to talk about their problems, and as a mentor I try to spend time with them and talk to them, then don't blame me if they actually do something which is not what the parent wanted them to do. Ironically, in a lot of cases, I am only there as a listener, and try to direct them to think of the reasons why they do certain things. And in alot of cases, I am actually on the side of the parents rather than the kids. If the kids don't listen to me and go and do their own thing, why blame me? I've done the best I can. Ultimately its up to that person to make up their mind as to what they want to do. Why do the parents accuse me of swaying their kids away from them when in fact I am trying to do the opposite in most cases. Why can't the parents confront me about it, but instead they talk about me behind my back? Why can't they appreciate the fact that I spent my own personal time, often sleeping only four hours per night for the whole week, talking to their kids on the phone to help them in critical times, when their kids can't even talk to their parents about it. Why do they like to blame others where ultiamtely they should be the one who should be reflecting on why they were not able to communicate with their kids in the first place. It doesn't help if the kids are using me as an excuse to their parents to justify their own actions.
I actually don't mind people that try to do things and know their own limitations. I dispise people that try to tell the world they are doing everything, but in fact they have done nothing but talk. It is even more sad if all they want is power, and not willing to do anything. At least a woman with a baby knows her own limitations and enlists the help of others. What about the independent woman who tries to implement all these ideas and criticises others, but she doesn't even see that her incapacity in doing a simple task (such as teaching) is causing people to turn away from church. How can I work with this person, especially if I used to respect her in the past?
God, I am weak... let me see your glory and my own flaws instead of seeing the flaws of others... Amen
In church, if people do a good job at something, there is no encouragement from others. But if there is a small problem, people become critical and judgemental towards you. Why are we like that? Getting the congregation together to talk about how to improve the Sunday services through administrative tasks only results in expressions of personal opinions as opposed to finding a way to enhance our experience of God through worship. Noone talked about how we can be closer to God through worship. We just talked about insignificant things like how to better set out the bulletin. We did not even discussed how we can be drawn closer to God and glorify Him through worship, which should be the reason why we are at church on Sundays. We can say we would like this or that, but when it comes down to implementation, noone is willing to help. How can we change if we lack resources? Why do they even raise it in the first place if there is no solution? Why can't they understand that we lack resources and that I am doing the best I can with what I am given.
And how about parents trying to intervene with their children. If their children comes to me to talk about their problems, and as a mentor I try to spend time with them and talk to them, then don't blame me if they actually do something which is not what the parent wanted them to do. Ironically, in a lot of cases, I am only there as a listener, and try to direct them to think of the reasons why they do certain things. And in alot of cases, I am actually on the side of the parents rather than the kids. If the kids don't listen to me and go and do their own thing, why blame me? I've done the best I can. Ultimately its up to that person to make up their mind as to what they want to do. Why do the parents accuse me of swaying their kids away from them when in fact I am trying to do the opposite in most cases. Why can't the parents confront me about it, but instead they talk about me behind my back? Why can't they appreciate the fact that I spent my own personal time, often sleeping only four hours per night for the whole week, talking to their kids on the phone to help them in critical times, when their kids can't even talk to their parents about it. Why do they like to blame others where ultiamtely they should be the one who should be reflecting on why they were not able to communicate with their kids in the first place. It doesn't help if the kids are using me as an excuse to their parents to justify their own actions.
I actually don't mind people that try to do things and know their own limitations. I dispise people that try to tell the world they are doing everything, but in fact they have done nothing but talk. It is even more sad if all they want is power, and not willing to do anything. At least a woman with a baby knows her own limitations and enlists the help of others. What about the independent woman who tries to implement all these ideas and criticises others, but she doesn't even see that her incapacity in doing a simple task (such as teaching) is causing people to turn away from church. How can I work with this person, especially if I used to respect her in the past?
God, I am weak... let me see your glory and my own flaws instead of seeing the flaws of others... Amen
Streams of Praise 2006
My first time at a Mandarin Christian concert. I enjoyed it alot as I knew alot of the songs there. Thank God for giving me the wisdom to understand mandarin, so that I can have an insight into their sharings and prayers.
I enjoyed Hillsong more though, the atmosphere was more relaxed and people were more free to convey and express their emotions. Streams of Praise was a little forced in alot of respect, especially the actions to songs which they devised.
Looking forward to praising God with our voices as we live in His glory forever in heaven!
I enjoyed Hillsong more though, the atmosphere was more relaxed and people were more free to convey and express their emotions. Streams of Praise was a little forced in alot of respect, especially the actions to songs which they devised.
Looking forward to praising God with our voices as we live in His glory forever in heaven!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Hillsong Concert 2006
"How great is our God, sing with me, how great is our God..."
Seeing thousands of pepople coming together to praise Him, lifting their hands up in reverence to our Lord, dancing away for Him because we are free from the bondage of our sins. Being drowned in the music, as we reflect on our own relationships with God. Seeing people willing to be converted to God, through the gospel message exposed in the music. Seeing people releasing all prohibitions to praise and worship our God. All these are like seeing a slice of heaven on earth.
Although Hillsong has their issues such as the prosperity doctrine and commercialism of religion, most of us can still learn alot from them, especially from the way they worship our Lord. We tend to withdraw our emotions when we are singing praises to God. Maybe we should learn to set ourselves free, to come before God in worship just as we are, so that we can learn to experience God personally through worship.
I wanted to kneel down and thank God for his salvation during the songs about the death of Christ. I was happy dancing away when I realised that in the resurrected Christ, I am now free. As we sang the last song at the concert, I was trying to hold back tears as I remembered how great God is to each one of us.
It is disappointing that some people missed out on these experiences by attending the concert with preconceived judgemental ideas.
Seeing thousands of pepople coming together to praise Him, lifting their hands up in reverence to our Lord, dancing away for Him because we are free from the bondage of our sins. Being drowned in the music, as we reflect on our own relationships with God. Seeing people willing to be converted to God, through the gospel message exposed in the music. Seeing people releasing all prohibitions to praise and worship our God. All these are like seeing a slice of heaven on earth.
Although Hillsong has their issues such as the prosperity doctrine and commercialism of religion, most of us can still learn alot from them, especially from the way they worship our Lord. We tend to withdraw our emotions when we are singing praises to God. Maybe we should learn to set ourselves free, to come before God in worship just as we are, so that we can learn to experience God personally through worship.
I wanted to kneel down and thank God for his salvation during the songs about the death of Christ. I was happy dancing away when I realised that in the resurrected Christ, I am now free. As we sang the last song at the concert, I was trying to hold back tears as I remembered how great God is to each one of us.
It is disappointing that some people missed out on these experiences by attending the concert with preconceived judgemental ideas.
Cry of Battle
How do you continue to fight a battle when you are all alone? How do you fight when your troops don't even know that they are already engaged in battle? How do you use your troops if they are lazy and lacking experience, not willing to help or step up? How should you feel if your commander resigned, leaving all the troops behind without someone to lead them in battle, and leaving you crying out for someone to lead? How should you feel if other worthy generals leave as well, leaving the troops in the hands of unworthy generals who are there for ulterior motives instead of concentrating on the battle. How should you continue?
Should you still care for the troops if they don't even need your care, and don't understand how important the battle is? Should you still continue if the only battles your troops face are the battles between themselves?
Maybe our focus is not on inadequacies (whether they come from us or our troops) but on the true commander leading us, the Great One, who will lead us into victory. But maybe victory will come at a cost, a cost that may be too great for us to bear.
If noone is willing to pay the cost, then why is there a troop in the first place?
Maybe they will only appreciate when all worthy generals are gone. But even then, they may be too ignorant to know the difference.
Should you still care for the troops if they don't even need your care, and don't understand how important the battle is? Should you still continue if the only battles your troops face are the battles between themselves?
Maybe our focus is not on inadequacies (whether they come from us or our troops) but on the true commander leading us, the Great One, who will lead us into victory. But maybe victory will come at a cost, a cost that may be too great for us to bear.
If noone is willing to pay the cost, then why is there a troop in the first place?
Maybe they will only appreciate when all worthy generals are gone. But even then, they may be too ignorant to know the difference.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Expense claims
Do people feel guilty claiming for expenses at a professional services firm?
Is it right for a lawyer to claim $150 for having lunch with a secretary of the legal counsel of a client, treating that as a client marketing expense. Is it right for a boss to claim $7 for having coffe with me, telling me that he will pay for my coffee, but in the end claiming it from the firm as a staff expense?
In desperation I claimed the following expenses today successfully. If other people weren't claiming everything, I would have paid for these expenses myself. But I felt so guilty after I claimed them, as I don't feel right in doing so. The expenses I claimed include:
1. Half of my airfare to HK - claimed to internal marketing, since the last time I went to HK for my friend's wedding, I actually did a presentation at our HK office.
2. Coffee with client - I knew this person before I realised that he is also a client of the firms. I had coffee with him the other day, and I kept the receipt. I claimed this as a client expense.
3. Bottle of wine with collegues - We went to a drinks night organised by the firm, and we stayed back afterwards when everyone was gone. Since all our bosses have left, they weren't there to pay for the extra drinks, so I paid for a bottle of wine for me and my collegues. I claimed this as a staff enterntainment expense.
Maybe I should just do my own thing and ignore how other people are exploiting the firm.
Is it right for a lawyer to claim $150 for having lunch with a secretary of the legal counsel of a client, treating that as a client marketing expense. Is it right for a boss to claim $7 for having coffe with me, telling me that he will pay for my coffee, but in the end claiming it from the firm as a staff expense?
In desperation I claimed the following expenses today successfully. If other people weren't claiming everything, I would have paid for these expenses myself. But I felt so guilty after I claimed them, as I don't feel right in doing so. The expenses I claimed include:
1. Half of my airfare to HK - claimed to internal marketing, since the last time I went to HK for my friend's wedding, I actually did a presentation at our HK office.
2. Coffee with client - I knew this person before I realised that he is also a client of the firms. I had coffee with him the other day, and I kept the receipt. I claimed this as a client expense.
3. Bottle of wine with collegues - We went to a drinks night organised by the firm, and we stayed back afterwards when everyone was gone. Since all our bosses have left, they weren't there to pay for the extra drinks, so I paid for a bottle of wine for me and my collegues. I claimed this as a staff enterntainment expense.
Maybe I should just do my own thing and ignore how other people are exploiting the firm.
Farewell, pastor and family..
Its hard to imagine that four pastors have left our church in the past ten years. All of us should reflect why this is the case. Maybe our church has a whole has become too critical and judgemental, instead of showing compassion and appreciation for what our pastors have done. We failed in the lesson of submission, not allowing our pastors to lead our church, and reducing his role to a speaker and administrator.
Our current pastor and his family have just left our church. Its hard when you have developed a personal relationship with each member of the pastor's family. I guess its not like that I will never see them again. They are just a phone call or email away. But I guess the relationship is different now. I guess there used to be two levels of relationships with them - friendship as well as a relationship of being fellow workers in Christ. It is inevitable that both relationships will be lost, as we become busy with our own lives and serving in our own way.
Should I be angry at their departure, for not hanging in there and be more persistent? I don't know. But maybe I should have supported them more in times when they needed support. I don't know. Maybe all of us have a role to play in their departure and we don't realise it.
I guess noone is perfect, and that applies to that pastor and his family. But our pastor is God's annoited one and we should treat him as such. Respect. Love.
Is it ever right for a pastor to leave the church? I used to think it is right if the pastor was a church planter or when the pastor receives another calling from God. But thinking deeper, who are we to judge what is right or wrong? I guess we should trust God when a pastor leaves and trust on His provision.
Is it ever right for us to leave the church for another church? Maybe this can be a topic for discussion on another day!
Our current pastor and his family have just left our church. Its hard when you have developed a personal relationship with each member of the pastor's family. I guess its not like that I will never see them again. They are just a phone call or email away. But I guess the relationship is different now. I guess there used to be two levels of relationships with them - friendship as well as a relationship of being fellow workers in Christ. It is inevitable that both relationships will be lost, as we become busy with our own lives and serving in our own way.
Should I be angry at their departure, for not hanging in there and be more persistent? I don't know. But maybe I should have supported them more in times when they needed support. I don't know. Maybe all of us have a role to play in their departure and we don't realise it.
I guess noone is perfect, and that applies to that pastor and his family. But our pastor is God's annoited one and we should treat him as such. Respect. Love.
Is it ever right for a pastor to leave the church? I used to think it is right if the pastor was a church planter or when the pastor receives another calling from God. But thinking deeper, who are we to judge what is right or wrong? I guess we should trust God when a pastor leaves and trust on His provision.
Is it ever right for us to leave the church for another church? Maybe this can be a topic for discussion on another day!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Impressionism
The art works from the Impressionists era deplict nature as it is seen at a specific moment in time, emphasising on the emotions and feelings from the moment along with the effect of light on a scenery.
Attending the Pissarro exhibition has rekindled my interest in art. Each painting was able to transport me through time, back to the 1800s to a faraway place, where I am able to experience the smell of nature, the warmth of the sun, the smog from the factories, the livelihood from the markets and the stillness of the rivers. I was able to feel the heat of the sun and the chill from the snow. Each brush, each stroke and each blur deplicts a moment from the past, which I am able to associate with, more than 100 years later.
The experience was enhanced by my friend, who was knowledgeable in painting and who explained how certain effects on the paintings were achieved, giving a technical analysis of the paintings, which counterbalances well with my emotional outpour when reviewing these paintings.
Two and a half hours just flew by so quickly. And in a flash, we were back walking in the sunlight, in the real world, away from the gallery. As I walked down the street and used my eyes to look at the scenery around me, I actually preferred the perception portrayed in those artworks than what I was seeing in the real world, even though artworks are a mere reflection of the real world.
Maybe art is just another form of escape from the reality of this world.
Attending the Pissarro exhibition has rekindled my interest in art. Each painting was able to transport me through time, back to the 1800s to a faraway place, where I am able to experience the smell of nature, the warmth of the sun, the smog from the factories, the livelihood from the markets and the stillness of the rivers. I was able to feel the heat of the sun and the chill from the snow. Each brush, each stroke and each blur deplicts a moment from the past, which I am able to associate with, more than 100 years later.
The experience was enhanced by my friend, who was knowledgeable in painting and who explained how certain effects on the paintings were achieved, giving a technical analysis of the paintings, which counterbalances well with my emotional outpour when reviewing these paintings.
Two and a half hours just flew by so quickly. And in a flash, we were back walking in the sunlight, in the real world, away from the gallery. As I walked down the street and used my eyes to look at the scenery around me, I actually preferred the perception portrayed in those artworks than what I was seeing in the real world, even though artworks are a mere reflection of the real world.
Maybe art is just another form of escape from the reality of this world.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Why some people don't want to share
People are expected to have deep personal sharings with others, especially at church camps and sharing gatherings. These are great opportunities for us to share with one another about our inner most feelings in order for us to understand one another.
However, there are reasons why some people don't want to share. A list of possible reasons appear below:
1. People are not close at all to one another anyway. If they don't have any close communication normally, they would not share deeply at an event that happens once a year.
2. Sharing in a large group may not be effective. There is very little time for a response, especially if the group is big. It is this lack of personal response from sharing something that is deep that discourages a person from sharing in such an environment.
3. There is usually no follow up after a group sharing with people. A person may share some inner most thoughts or problems. It is very rare for the people in the group to see how that person is going with their problems after the event. Everyone is busy in their own worlds.
4. Some people just want to know what is happening to the people around them, with no intention of caring or helping. They treat sharing as an information session, and so, the whole experience may be cold and unwelcoming for the people who shared deep things.
5. Not all people in the group have the experience or wisdom to understand the information in the sharing, and accordingly, they are not able to provide any constructive feedback or help to the appropriate people.
If we are to encourage others to open up and share, we should be willing to assist in the aftermath of such a session, by spending time to follow up all the people in the group, not just the few we are close to. How often are we willing to put our time and effort on people outside of these times? What right do we have to want them to share at an annual meeting if we don't even communicate with them through the year.
There are many opportunities in our daily lives for us to know the people around us. Maybe we should make use of these opportunities, instead of just relying on annual events or group sharings, which may not be effective anyway.
However, there are reasons why some people don't want to share. A list of possible reasons appear below:
1. People are not close at all to one another anyway. If they don't have any close communication normally, they would not share deeply at an event that happens once a year.
2. Sharing in a large group may not be effective. There is very little time for a response, especially if the group is big. It is this lack of personal response from sharing something that is deep that discourages a person from sharing in such an environment.
3. There is usually no follow up after a group sharing with people. A person may share some inner most thoughts or problems. It is very rare for the people in the group to see how that person is going with their problems after the event. Everyone is busy in their own worlds.
4. Some people just want to know what is happening to the people around them, with no intention of caring or helping. They treat sharing as an information session, and so, the whole experience may be cold and unwelcoming for the people who shared deep things.
5. Not all people in the group have the experience or wisdom to understand the information in the sharing, and accordingly, they are not able to provide any constructive feedback or help to the appropriate people.
If we are to encourage others to open up and share, we should be willing to assist in the aftermath of such a session, by spending time to follow up all the people in the group, not just the few we are close to. How often are we willing to put our time and effort on people outside of these times? What right do we have to want them to share at an annual meeting if we don't even communicate with them through the year.
There are many opportunities in our daily lives for us to know the people around us. Maybe we should make use of these opportunities, instead of just relying on annual events or group sharings, which may not be effective anyway.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Opportunities
Sometimes I am accused of missing out on opportunities.
Did I miss out on an opportunity that has haunted me for a number of years afterwards? Should I have tried harder or even fight for it, as opposed to accepting reality and taking a step back? The feeling of loss and rejection surfaced deeping during the wedding, when all the songs they played remind me of those days.
Did I miss out on an opportunity that may have changed my life, giving me an opportunity to experience a different place and culture? Will anyone else in my shoes make the same decision I did? The feeling of loss and non-recognition surfaced when others took up similar opportunities with no hesitation, not understanding that I have given up my opportunity for them.
Did I miss out on an opportunity that may have changed the outcome for a family? If I would have taken a certain position, a family may have been saved from the hurt and depression from rejection and discrimination of others. The feeling of loss and rejection surfaced every time I am reminded by how the family was being treated by others.
Did I miss out on an opportunity to say words that are close to my heart during the life of a person? If I made more of an effort in communication, I may have shared deeper with that person, before they left permanently. The feeling of loss and guilt surfaced every time I woke up after dreaming where the scenes in the dreams contained that person as if they were on earth.
Maybe the only thing I should do is to grasp hold of opportunities in the future and don't let them slip away. There are always opportunities in life. But unfortunately, some opportunities happen only once in your lifetime.
Did I miss out on an opportunity that has haunted me for a number of years afterwards? Should I have tried harder or even fight for it, as opposed to accepting reality and taking a step back? The feeling of loss and rejection surfaced deeping during the wedding, when all the songs they played remind me of those days.
Did I miss out on an opportunity that may have changed my life, giving me an opportunity to experience a different place and culture? Will anyone else in my shoes make the same decision I did? The feeling of loss and non-recognition surfaced when others took up similar opportunities with no hesitation, not understanding that I have given up my opportunity for them.
Did I miss out on an opportunity that may have changed the outcome for a family? If I would have taken a certain position, a family may have been saved from the hurt and depression from rejection and discrimination of others. The feeling of loss and rejection surfaced every time I am reminded by how the family was being treated by others.
Did I miss out on an opportunity to say words that are close to my heart during the life of a person? If I made more of an effort in communication, I may have shared deeper with that person, before they left permanently. The feeling of loss and guilt surfaced every time I woke up after dreaming where the scenes in the dreams contained that person as if they were on earth.
Maybe the only thing I should do is to grasp hold of opportunities in the future and don't let them slip away. There are always opportunities in life. But unfortunately, some opportunities happen only once in your lifetime.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Say the truth
Our lifes are covered by lies and half truths.
Why don't we all learn to say the truth?
To parents:
1. If you are not happy with my choices in life, just let me know. You can be supportive even if you don't agree with me. Even though I may still make those choices in the end, I just want the truth from you.
2. If I am unhappy and I don't want to talk about it, just let me be. Sometimes I need my own space!
To girls:
1. If you don't like me, just say it to my face. It hurts me more when you pretend to be nice and lead me on. I rather know the truth sooner than later. If you like me, be sure to let me know. I am tired of guessing games.
2. If I am busy and can't find time, then please understand. Sometimes there are urgent things in life that I need to take care of. It is not an indication that you are not important or that I don't like you.
To close friends:
1. If you don't want to entertain me, just let me know. It is better to reject me sooner than to hold me off and reject me afterwards. Since we are close friends, just tell me straight in the face without implying things which I may misinterpret. Also, if you don't want me to ask you things, let me know. I respect that you need your space and privacy.
2. If I don't want to talk about things, just let me be. It is not because I don't view you as a close friend. It is because sometimes I need to go through things myself and feel uncomfortable talking about it.
To bosses:
1. If my work is not up to scratch, tell me. Don't use flowery language and say that I am good but there are some points I need to improve. Tell me straight and let me handle it.
2. If I have an off day, try to understand. I may be having some personal crisis which may affect my work performance.
Isn't it ironic that we all go through the same things, but it seems like noone wants to say the truth to others.
Well, by writing this blog, and making things so generic, I am also not able to say the truth to people around me.
Why don't we all learn to say the truth?
To parents:
1. If you are not happy with my choices in life, just let me know. You can be supportive even if you don't agree with me. Even though I may still make those choices in the end, I just want the truth from you.
2. If I am unhappy and I don't want to talk about it, just let me be. Sometimes I need my own space!
To girls:
1. If you don't like me, just say it to my face. It hurts me more when you pretend to be nice and lead me on. I rather know the truth sooner than later. If you like me, be sure to let me know. I am tired of guessing games.
2. If I am busy and can't find time, then please understand. Sometimes there are urgent things in life that I need to take care of. It is not an indication that you are not important or that I don't like you.
To close friends:
1. If you don't want to entertain me, just let me know. It is better to reject me sooner than to hold me off and reject me afterwards. Since we are close friends, just tell me straight in the face without implying things which I may misinterpret. Also, if you don't want me to ask you things, let me know. I respect that you need your space and privacy.
2. If I don't want to talk about things, just let me be. It is not because I don't view you as a close friend. It is because sometimes I need to go through things myself and feel uncomfortable talking about it.
To bosses:
1. If my work is not up to scratch, tell me. Don't use flowery language and say that I am good but there are some points I need to improve. Tell me straight and let me handle it.
2. If I have an off day, try to understand. I may be having some personal crisis which may affect my work performance.
Isn't it ironic that we all go through the same things, but it seems like noone wants to say the truth to others.
Well, by writing this blog, and making things so generic, I am also not able to say the truth to people around me.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Understanding the pain
Who understands the pain
Of seeing people changing
And no longer can we confide in them
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of the impact of physical separation
And resulting in a change in relationships
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of realising that noone understands us
And we feel so alone living in this world
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of seeing the person we love at a wedding
And realising we are only a guest and not the groom
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of the feeling of loss and hopelessness
And not knowing what our purpose is in this world
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of not knowing what happened to a person
And remembering the closeness we once shared
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of seeing people close to us grow old and die
And the regret from knowing that they are eternally separated from us
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of seeing people making the same mistakes as us
And not knowing how to help them in a way they find acceptable
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of hatred towards ourselves for the things we think and do
And knowing how hard it is to change and renew
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of betrayal of trust and friendship
And not able to see this until we have lost everything
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of trying to express our deeper emotions in writing
And realising that we have not even scratched the surface
Who understands the pain?
Of seeing people changing
And no longer can we confide in them
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of the impact of physical separation
And resulting in a change in relationships
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of realising that noone understands us
And we feel so alone living in this world
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of seeing the person we love at a wedding
And realising we are only a guest and not the groom
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of the feeling of loss and hopelessness
And not knowing what our purpose is in this world
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of not knowing what happened to a person
And remembering the closeness we once shared
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of seeing people close to us grow old and die
And the regret from knowing that they are eternally separated from us
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of seeing people making the same mistakes as us
And not knowing how to help them in a way they find acceptable
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of hatred towards ourselves for the things we think and do
And knowing how hard it is to change and renew
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of betrayal of trust and friendship
And not able to see this until we have lost everything
Who understands the pain?
Who understands the pain
Of trying to express our deeper emotions in writing
And realising that we have not even scratched the surface
Who understands the pain?
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Busy at work?
Alot of people like to ask me whether I am busy at work. Alot of times I don't know how to answer them. And the reason is as follows.
In a professional services firm, the firm measures your performance by the number of "billable" hours you have worked. You are budgeted to work around 6.5 billable hours a day.
Anyone that has been working in a professional services firm would be able to tell you that in order for someone to have 6.5 billable hours, that person would probably need to stay in the office for at least 10 total hours. The reason why this is the case is that alot of work we do are not billable work, like client administration issues (eg looking for files, drafting engaging letters and billing clients), marketing work (eg writing articles or submitting tenders) or administration work (eg team meetings, reading new legislation or drafting precedents). Only actual work done for clients (eg documents, advices, certain meetings) are billable.
On the days when I have not much billable work, I may be doing non billable work for the full day, but my timesheet reflects that I have not done any billable work. Therefore, I may be busy in my own eyes, but to the firm, I have not performed on that day, since I have not done any billable work. Is this fair? It's hard to say, but this is the environment that I work in.
Therefore, it is always hard for me to answer the question whether I am busy because of this distinction between billable and non billable.
It is the pressure to meet the budget of billable hours that causes so much stress and anxiety in professional services firms.
In a professional services firm, the firm measures your performance by the number of "billable" hours you have worked. You are budgeted to work around 6.5 billable hours a day.
Anyone that has been working in a professional services firm would be able to tell you that in order for someone to have 6.5 billable hours, that person would probably need to stay in the office for at least 10 total hours. The reason why this is the case is that alot of work we do are not billable work, like client administration issues (eg looking for files, drafting engaging letters and billing clients), marketing work (eg writing articles or submitting tenders) or administration work (eg team meetings, reading new legislation or drafting precedents). Only actual work done for clients (eg documents, advices, certain meetings) are billable.
On the days when I have not much billable work, I may be doing non billable work for the full day, but my timesheet reflects that I have not done any billable work. Therefore, I may be busy in my own eyes, but to the firm, I have not performed on that day, since I have not done any billable work. Is this fair? It's hard to say, but this is the environment that I work in.
Therefore, it is always hard for me to answer the question whether I am busy because of this distinction between billable and non billable.
It is the pressure to meet the budget of billable hours that causes so much stress and anxiety in professional services firms.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Animal Welfare
There has been an increasing awareness for animal welfare over the past couple of years. Wearing mink is becoming out of fashion due to the way the cruelty in raising these animals in small cages for their fur. People are being jailed for mistreating young animals such as kittens or small dogs if caught by authorties. The bogus website, Bonsai Kittens, caused a worldwide retaliation to the purported treatment of kittens in Japan. The list goes on.
Animal welfare activists argue that animals should not be mistreated and they have as much right to live without threat or restrictions as most of us enjoy.
However, they only apply their principles to certain animals. They rarely protest against farmed fishes, where many fishes are kept in a small pond with little room for them to swim in. Noone will arrest a little boy that uses a piece of glass to burn ants alive using the rays from the sun. Killing mosquitos, flies or spiders through bug sprays or pest control measures are not seen as acts of cruelty but are strongly encouraged. The list goes on.
These creatures are all animals. They have a right to live just like all other animals. Why are we preferring some classes of animals over others in terms of how we treat them? Why is it okay to kill a bug by ripping its wings off and tearing its body parts bit or bit, but not okay to bash and kick a kitten?
Shouldn't we have the same standards for all animals?
Ironically, in our society, we are all being mistreated by others. Our lifestyle is restricted by a number of factors such as our background, wealth and personality. People are being treated differently and some are being treated really harshly. We think that humans enjoy rights and freedom but in effect, we are no better off than the animals we talked about. Some of us are like kittens, protected by society, and any harsh treatments on them will not be condoned. Others are like bugs, being neglected and hated by society, some of which are destroyed or killed with invalid justifications.
Animal welfare activists argue that animals should not be mistreated and they have as much right to live without threat or restrictions as most of us enjoy.
However, they only apply their principles to certain animals. They rarely protest against farmed fishes, where many fishes are kept in a small pond with little room for them to swim in. Noone will arrest a little boy that uses a piece of glass to burn ants alive using the rays from the sun. Killing mosquitos, flies or spiders through bug sprays or pest control measures are not seen as acts of cruelty but are strongly encouraged. The list goes on.
These creatures are all animals. They have a right to live just like all other animals. Why are we preferring some classes of animals over others in terms of how we treat them? Why is it okay to kill a bug by ripping its wings off and tearing its body parts bit or bit, but not okay to bash and kick a kitten?
Shouldn't we have the same standards for all animals?
Ironically, in our society, we are all being mistreated by others. Our lifestyle is restricted by a number of factors such as our background, wealth and personality. People are being treated differently and some are being treated really harshly. We think that humans enjoy rights and freedom but in effect, we are no better off than the animals we talked about. Some of us are like kittens, protected by society, and any harsh treatments on them will not be condoned. Others are like bugs, being neglected and hated by society, some of which are destroyed or killed with invalid justifications.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Addiction
Our society is concerned about prevention of drug, cigarette or alcohol addictions, as we perceive such addictions to be harmful to people and will also cause a detriment to society resulting in an increase in crimes or violence.
However, there is an addiction prevalent among the youths in our society that we have failed to address. This is the addiction to computer games.
On one level, computer games are beneficial. Games such as Battlefield 1942 will actually allow players to learn about World War 2. Other games such as Civ IV or World of Warcraft enable players to think in a strategic manner. Games are fun, they are interactive, which in a way is more appealing to young people than a book or movie since a player can control and experience the world in the game, as opposed to being an observer.
However, games are highly addictive. Some people are so addicted to their games that they will spend all their time playing the game. They will stay in their rooms all day long, ignoring their family, their friends or any vistors to their house. It is not uncommon to have people playing online games for 16 hours per day, with a small break every now and then for toilet or cup noodles. They begin to lose all social contact and their only means of contact is with other players in the game by fighting with them and helping noobs to gain XP. They are so engrossed in their game that they will wake up in the middle of the night checking their auctions and racking up kills in BG. Their aim in life is to gain as much honour points as possible. They would feel that they have learnt all golden rules in life through a game, but all they've learnt are principles such as never trusting the Spanish, aiming in front of the target when Sniping, switching between a Pistol and a Shotgun can be beneficial if used correctly, and jumping of bridges with 15 health left is not a good idea.
Moderation (not moderator) is the key! Games can be fun but the world is a big place. Addicts should go out and experience it. It is bigger than the maps or campaigns in any game. They should learn to enjoy life by enjoying the company of others. Otherwise, there will be regret when they realise that they have a total of 3650 days spent on WOW, and no time with their friends and family, most of which will no longer be there when they realise this. Or maybe when their health deteriorates from tendinitis or other illness, they will realise the impact of games on their health.
We should all pay more attention to this type of addiction!
However, there is an addiction prevalent among the youths in our society that we have failed to address. This is the addiction to computer games.
On one level, computer games are beneficial. Games such as Battlefield 1942 will actually allow players to learn about World War 2. Other games such as Civ IV or World of Warcraft enable players to think in a strategic manner. Games are fun, they are interactive, which in a way is more appealing to young people than a book or movie since a player can control and experience the world in the game, as opposed to being an observer.
However, games are highly addictive. Some people are so addicted to their games that they will spend all their time playing the game. They will stay in their rooms all day long, ignoring their family, their friends or any vistors to their house. It is not uncommon to have people playing online games for 16 hours per day, with a small break every now and then for toilet or cup noodles. They begin to lose all social contact and their only means of contact is with other players in the game by fighting with them and helping noobs to gain XP. They are so engrossed in their game that they will wake up in the middle of the night checking their auctions and racking up kills in BG. Their aim in life is to gain as much honour points as possible. They would feel that they have learnt all golden rules in life through a game, but all they've learnt are principles such as never trusting the Spanish, aiming in front of the target when Sniping, switching between a Pistol and a Shotgun can be beneficial if used correctly, and jumping of bridges with 15 health left is not a good idea.
Moderation (not moderator) is the key! Games can be fun but the world is a big place. Addicts should go out and experience it. It is bigger than the maps or campaigns in any game. They should learn to enjoy life by enjoying the company of others. Otherwise, there will be regret when they realise that they have a total of 3650 days spent on WOW, and no time with their friends and family, most of which will no longer be there when they realise this. Or maybe when their health deteriorates from tendinitis or other illness, they will realise the impact of games on their health.
We should all pay more attention to this type of addiction!
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