Walking away

Walking away is so easy. But even if walking away results in a physical absence, the destructive effects of the implications of such actions still remain.

Knowing People

I tend to know alot of people, but alot of them only on a surface face-to-face level, with no real deep interaction.

When I walk onto the streets, I often encounter people greeting me and knowing my name, but I have no idea who they are.

When I go to my firm functions, I can walk around a room of 400 employees talking to different people in different divisoins (even though I have only been with the firm for a short time), whereas my collegues tend to stay in their own groups.

But spending time with people doesn't mean that you get to know them well either. Maybe each one of us come together with too much misconceived perception of other people, and our understanding of others are more based on perception than anything else.

No time to waste

Given my heavy heart over other things, relationship issues do not seem to matter anymore. Is there such a thing as an instant attraction? Will there ever be someone that you feel connected to? If a person doesn't click with you, should you just give up and move on, as you have no more time to waste?

I have no incentive to do anything at the moment.

Sense of failure

Have I failed them? Could I have done something better? Should I have done something earlier?

I laughed with them, I cried with them, I understand them. But all of them are now gone. I understand their reasons. But could I have done something more? Is it too late? Should I also be gone, just like them?

Its like a solo battle out there nowadays. If I step it up, and do more now, it will be even more lonely than before.

Noone understands. Everyone cares for themselves. Maybe I don't really understand either.

What is important anyway?

Is it a failure?

World Cup is over

After a month of excitement and many sleepless nights, the World Cup has finally come to an end.

The whole World Cup was filled with controversal decisions from the referees. There were so many memories from this World Cup, from Zidane's headbutt into the opposition bringing about a red card in his final game, to the defensive winning strategies of Italy. Australia's efforts may bring about a socer fever here. Klose will be remembered for scoring the most goals. The list goes on...

Seeing the final at Star City was a nice choice... the atmosphere was good, and it was satisfying to see people having no passion for the sport and watching the game because they have placed a bet. Their reaction after realising they have lost was priceless.

Four years came and went so quickly. I wonder what I would be doing in four year's time.

Rude Boss

Here is an email exchange from one of the new bosses (see previous posts) to me today. I have shown the emails to my direct boss and she was also offended by it.

Boss: Can you review my comments on the pricing provisions in the deed?
Me: Are your comments incorporated into the deed on the system?
Boss: No
Me: So where are your comments?
Boss: In outer space

I was so pissed off when I read it. He didn't talk to me about it. I later found out from his lawyer that he expected me to go to him to get the deed off him with his handwritten comments. How the f*&k would I know that he wanted me to see him? Such a rude arrogant bastard.

Unhappy lawyers

Lawyers are not happy people. According to a recent survey, lawyers are ranked 2nd in terms of being unhappy and dissatified with their occupation.

Why is that the case?

Although on average, we get paid more than some other occupations, alot of us do not see any satisfaction in our work. Especially being a commercial lawyer, you don't really seem to be contributing to the genuine needs of society. Looking at the partners at my law firm, they work so hard and they compete with each other so much, that most of them have family problems, with spouses and children complaining about the lack of time they are able to spend with their family. Is this where I want my life to be heading?

A recent email from an old friend in Hong Kong (also a lawyer) also shares the same concerns:

"I think about quitting my job every week but I just can't figure out what I want to do (because certain aspects of this job are still appealing to me)"

Later in the email, this friend puts things in perspective:

"But what about just focusing on what you enjoy doing at your current job? I mean these days I don't care whether I have done better than my colleague or I should do X because my colleague did X last time. I will just put in effort on things that I enjoy working on (although I have to deal with the other $hit that comes with it). You see what I mean!

Hey cheer up and you have done very well to get to where you are now."

I can try, but at the moment, my happiness at work is zero even after my promotion as I am still lost at where I want to go next.

Three principles

Had another session today with an external pastor.

Three principles when thinking about going from one church to another permanently:
1. Will you be able to further the gospel in the new church?
2. What impact will your departure have in the people of your old church?
3. What impact will your departure have on yourself?

Of course, these principles will need to be followed under the theological doctrine of the church. This is a topic that I should be studying.

Another wedding attended

Man.. how many weddings do I need to attend this year? After a while, all weddings seem very similar. It is at weddings that you meet some old friends you havn't seen for years, and usually they ask you questions like "Are you seeing someone at the moment?". What made it so bad tonight was the fact that after I answered "No", my friend then said to me "Oh, sorry, all my female friends are either married or seeing someone."

Weddings are also a place to meet people. The only female that I seem interested in getting to know was the cousin of the groom. I actually met her before at the bride and groom's engagement party, and I was talking to her then, and realised that she was still in Year 12. So tonight, I did not really talked to her, as I felt wrong chatting up a teenage girl. Oh well.. it is ironic that I used to tell someone off for liking an Year 8 girl (you know who you are.. LOL).