Death

Death... it is closer than it seems. Each day we live, we are one day older, and one step closer to death.

Death can come upon us at anytime. One of my client recently just died in his sleep. No signs beforehand. He was only in his 50s.

Death brings about an emotions in people, as death involves the severance of ties and relationships. Singing at a funeral in front of crying people makes me so emotional, the impact of which lasted for days.

Death... it is closer than it seems. After all, death is only one breath away or one heartbeat away.

Cash Values 2

I've been told that my views in the previous posts are too optimistic. I was told that living a life costs money, and it is wrong for me to assume that all is fine, when we are supposed to have money for our daily needs, as well as putting money aside for emergencies, for our kids, for our family, and so on.

This is all true. But how much can we calculate? How much can we save up for? Sometimes we go too far with our pursuit of money that we end up neglecting other aspects of our lives. Money cannot bring back lost relationships and neglected friendships. Money cannot buy back those special moments in our child's life that we missed simply because we are at work.

If everyone is to be concerned about how much we earn or whether we have enough for the future, there will be a number of jobs which no one will be doing.

I am not saying that we should not be prudent with our money. All I am saying is that we should be satisfied with what we have, and do not use money as a justification for our actions.

Look at it this way - if the average Australian household's annual income is only $50,000 per year, no-one earning more than that should be using the argument that they need to make more money to save for emergencies. If the average Australian can survive on that salary, so can we.

Cash Values

Been thinking about finances and money lately, especially with my pending decision about work and stuff.

How much money does one need? When we think about it, its doesn't amount to much.

But we have been lured into a force sense of security by the need to have everything new and latest. Possessions have become our security in life. We comfort ourselves by the material things we gather. We compare ourselves with others by the wealth we have.

Our occupations have become a status symbol, a role which gives us value in life. We look up to people with certain occupations. We give respect to people who are wealthy.

But even with all that wealth, are we happy? What is more important in life? A mansion in which you live alone, or a small flat where there is a constant gathering of people who care for you in your life?

On our death bed, do we look back and feel proud at the portfolio of assets we have accumulated? Or do we feel regret for the lack of care we have shown to our loved ones as we spent all our time on our job and the lost opportunities in building our relations with people?

I know a person who is dying from a terminal illness at the moment, and she is now in her last days. The only material thing that is giving her comfort in these last days is a self-held fan costing $2.00, which cools her constantly. Her main source of comfort is her faith in God and the people who visits her every day.

And in a sense, we all have more than we need. How much of our wealth do we give away generously? To most of us, none.

Have a look at the Global Rich List as well as Miniature Earth. It will put things into perspective.

Hillsong Conference 2007

The growth of Hillsong over the years have been phenomenal. Unfortunately, due to bad press and non support from some evangelical groups, mainstream conservative Christians still have doubts about them. People expect that sermons at Hillsong are filled with the message of prosperity gospel and that people there frequently speak aloud in tongues. They expect songs from Hillsong to have questionable lyrics.

But can we be so judgmental? Some conservative Chinese churches teach some sort of prosperity gospel. I have heard sermons about how tithing is still relevant in Chinese sermons (even though it is widely accepted that this concept is under the Old Covenant which has been abolished under the New Covenant). I have heard sermons in evangelical churches where passages are taken out of context. Sure, Hillsong may take passages out of context in relation to giving and receiving, but that is a danger we see in all churches, not just Hillsong.

Music is the soul and heart of Hillsong. On the night I was there at this year's conference, Hillsong United sang some of their famous numbers. The highlight was Chris Tomlin, whose voice was mesmerising. Again, How Great is our God brought tears in my eyes. His rendition of The Wonderful Cross and Amazing Grace comforted the souls around the stadium.

Overall the experience to me was positive. It was wonderful to see people committing themselves to God. The greatness of God was highlighted in the sermon, and reminded once again how insignificant we are compared to the great God. If we are willing to cast away our prejudice, maybe we can see that God works through different means and media. This is something conservative evangelical Christians need to understand.

Blast from the past

Last Saturday morning, I was walking along George Street going to a colleagues place for lunch,when I saw her walking towards me. At first I wondered whether it was her. She has not changed over the past 10 years. As we approach each other, I pretended not to see her, and she walked right past me.

Was it her? Was it not her?

I remembered the events from 10 years ago. My first girlfriend. The memories we shared. The hurt we caused. They are still as fresh today as they were 10 years ago.

10 years passed by so quickly. Alot has changed, alot hasn't changed. She may be married by now.

The last time I saw her was about 5 years ago, when I bumped into her and her boyfriend in a restaurant, where I was dining with my (then) girlfriend. We had a brief chat, introduced our partners, and that was that.

Then last night, I dreamt of bumping into her again and talking to her. I woke up with a really weird feeling. Maybe there is still things I have not dealt with from the past? Or maybe I am just too sentimental?

Music Therapy

Music has a therapeutic power. This week I've been a bit more happier at work, all because of the power of music.

Last Saturday night, I spent rehearsing for the Sunday service, rearranging songs and determining the parts for instruments. After song leading on Sunday, some of the songs stay in my mind and I was reminded of God's grace and providence during the week.

Monday night, I taught piano, and I had a great time collaborating with my student, teaching him chords and composition basics.

Heard a worship CD last night which brightened my spirits.

Sometimes I wonder what if I pursued and developed deeper my interests in music. Maybe I could have been a music therapist, bring relief to others and myself.

Greater Good 2

Another person in my group is not happy about being overworked. What can I do to help this poor girl, who is only a graduate, having been in our group for less than 2 months, and already working endlessly weekdays and weekends, with no breaks. I feel sorry for her. In alot of respects, I understand her, as I am going through similar emotions.

Maybe it is time for me to do something, and speak out on behalf of the group. This can't last forever, and I just can't think of myself. Maybe I should do something for the greater good. I can't just hope things will change.

Play! - A Video Game Symphony

Attending the show makes me realise how much work goes behind the music we take for granted in games. It also brings back memories from childhood, when I was playing games such as Super Mario Bros and Zelda, and made me appreciate how much my parents have given me when I was young. Listening to music from Final Fantasy and Halo reminds me of the explosion of the instant messaging and how this has changed our way of communication forever. While music from World of Warcraft and later games reminds me of my age.

V-Tech Rampage

Recently, a game appeared on the internet, titled V-Tech Rampage, which uses the events of the Virginia Tech massacre earlier this year. The game involves the player playing the role of Cho, the perpetrator in the actual massacre. There are three stages in the game reflecting the events of the massacre - the killing of the girl he liked, the sending of the parcel to the media and the final shooting spree at the Norris Hill building.

The game is so realistic that it sends chills down my spine when playing it. Alot of debate has subsequently be made as to whether it is ethical for the creator to make such games, as the game seems to glorify such killings.

However, the same argument can apply to war games people play, such as Medal of Honour or Civilization. We are more insensitive to these games as the events happen in a different time period to our current age and time. But these games also seem to be glorifying killings with ultimate winner is the one who defeats the other side(s) by killing.

Should we think more about the games we play?

Gone

Everyone is gone....or will be going... why is God taking everyone away from me? These are people that I rely on and that I have a close bond with. I missed those who are already gone and I know I will miss those who will be going. There is also a risk that once people are gone, people change or I change, and the relationship will never be the same again.

But maybe for their happiness and well being, leaving is a good thing for them. Maybe all I should do is to show my support for them, in their pursuit of dreams and happiness.

Farewell... take care...

Greater good?

The whole debacle with the bad boss blew up yesterday, with my secretary being involved and I was dragged into it. I am still too emotional to describe the event. It hurts me alot when my secretary is so upset. I also hurts me when graduate lawyers are so unhappy but they have no way to escape. They all come to me for help, but I am, in a way, in the same situation as them.

Maybe for the greater good, I have to complain to management, at the expense of my career, so that justice can be restored. The group is so disfunctional at the moment that it is not helping. The other boss in the group knows, but I question the extent of his involvement since there is a clear conflict of interest for him to be really involved.

I am more and more inclined to do the greater good. It will be a liberation for me. I think this is what it takes to be a leader?

Endless work

Working later and later these days... physically and mentally tired...

Doesn't help that I am still working for that stupid boss, who 'tries' to be nice, but is rude in every respect...

A boss who emails me every minute to ask me whether I have done a task when he full well knows I am working on it...

A boss who promises clients ridiculous deadlines...

A boss who only wants me to do work for his clients, telling me to ignore other clients of other bosses (and even some of my own clients)...

A boss who gets upset as I had to attend a client function with another boss and he wasn't invited...

A boss who is petty...

If he continues in this way, I will not just blog, I will just walk out. I have gone through that scenario in my head and it will be an attractive alternative if I continue to suffer mental tortures from him.

Realisation

I sometimes wonder how young people nowadays can just stand there and do nothing while others do things around them.

Aren't they taught to help out when older people are doing things? How can they just stand there and continue chatting when they see older people trying to lift things and move things? Even if you ask them to do it, they pretend that they don't know you.

Now I realise why they do it. It is because their parents don't require them to do anything at home. Their parents do everything for them. So to them it is normal for older people to do things while they stand around and do nothing. They don't think they need to do something.

If their parents don't even ask them to do things at home, how can you ask them to do things outside of home?

God's work

Why are God's work being shoved around from person to person? Why are some people so burdened with everything, while others are not burdened at all?

People are so protective of themselves. They do not want to step out of their comfort zone. If they are offered a role in one ministry, they would only be concerned about that ministry. What about if their ministry is very narrow, and another person's ministry is very broad? Does that mean that everything is done by the other person, and that person does nothing, even though that person knows the other person has so much on?

Isn't it a privilege for us to serve God? Why don't people take things on even if they are in a leadership role? How can one influence others if our leaders are like that, trying to shove things to other leaders?

Father to son

Its rare to have a deep and meaningful with our parents, especially as we grow older and have our own life and its associated problems.

So it was great to have been able to talk to my dad that night, until 2:30am in the morning, about my current struggles with careers and work. The insight he gave me was invaluable. Although no answer came out of it, at least I can arm myself with a new perspective and the knowledge that my parents would probably support me in what I do because of their love for me.

Treasure our time with our parents, for these times won't last forever.

Fighting over me...

My previous boss has left, and now three other bosses are fighting over me. Each one of them wants me to give priority to their work. This is the worse situation to be in - right in the midst of politics.

Do I feel a sense of importance? Do I feel happy? No. I just feel tired. Mentally tired. Tired of politics. Tired of work.

If I feel like this now, how can I survive in a more harsher environment such as law firms in the UK, HK or US?

Maybe I would be happier if three girls are fighting over me...

Frustrations

Alot of issues we face in ministry are relationship based. It is so disheartening to always hear criticisms from others with no one truly showing their appreciation. And most criticisms seem to be based on personal preferences as opposed to true worthwhile issues.

There are so many things that I cannot tell others to protect others from being hurt or disappointed, and bottling them up eventually would take their toll on me. I think I have become more withdrawn than before, and it is ironic that some people still perceive me as not able to keep secrets - if they only knew what I know inside my head.

Frustrations also come from our sense of helplessness. We see people falling, but we don't know how to help. Even if we are willing, the fallen may not be willing to allow you to help them.

But we should look beyond the short term and focus on the glory of God in eternity. All the frustrations are paid off when I received the following message earlier this week from a long lost friend, who I have previously spent time to evangelise to a few years ago:

"Hey, do you know I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour?"

Soldier on, everyone! Its worth it!

Friendships

How do we define friendships? How do we establish friendships?

Do you establish friends through networking? I went to a speed networking function organised by my firm recently. We had an "one-on-one" session with each person in the room for 3 minutes in which we discussed a pre-determined topic and exchange our personal information. By the end of the night, I had a number of business cards in my hands, none of which I would be contacting again. Although I went out with some of my new-found networks afterwards to more drinks and dinner, and I actually had a good time talking about the insignificant details of life, they were still just an acquaintance to me and a potential network for the future. I am sure they think the same. These kind of people may be described "one-night friends". "One-night friends" may also include those long lost friends who contacts you once every couple of years and updates you on things in their lives.

Do you establish friends through open invitation? Even if you open yourself to someone new, that person may not open themselves to you in the same way. Maybe to you that person is your friend, but to them, you may not be a friend. These kind of people may be described as "one-way friends".

How do you respect your friends? It is hard when you have an expectation of them, and they do not meet that expectation. We expect our good friends to inform us of their big events in life, and when they do not do that, do we respect their privacy? When we find out that they have informed others of their big events, and we are kept in the dark, do we have the understanding to accept that each person may have their reasons for doing what they do (and maybe we are too busy for them in the first place)?

How do you respect your friends? It is hard when they do not appreciate what you've done for them, and to them, their "one-night friends" are closer than you are, even though they can expect your friendship regularity, and their "one-night friends" will only give them unexpected friendship once in a blue moon.

How do you help and support your friends? Do you need to give them an answer every time? How do you tell a friend that they need professional help? How can you tell them that you feel their pain but you don't know how to help them.

And how do you cope and handle a dying friendship, a lost friendship, or a friend who you no longer connect or click with?

Easter Church Camp

The first combined church camp occurred over the Easter long weekend.

Praise God that every thing went well. It was a good time for us to interact with people from another local church. I was surprised as to how well we were able to mix with them.

Being part of the committee again allowed me to see God at work. It was great to work with a great bunch of brothers and sisters, helping and supporting each other. Thank God that I have established a closer relationship with my counterpart at the other church and he was a great assistance to me throughout the camp.

It was very encouraging to receive support from people throughout the camp. Their encouragement showed their love and care for us. I was very also very touched by some comments for my workshop - all praise and glory to the Lord.

The only drawback was that there were meetings scheduled in my free time. But I did get some insights from those meetings, so it was not all that bad.

The only regret is that I did not spend enough time with certain people that I wanted to. But God did allow me to spend time with others that I did not expect to spend time with.

A thought which I have been pondering since the camp about is how I should invest my time, money and energy on matters in relation to heaven, since our future is in heaven. This may have implications on my current job situation.

Keep praying. Keep praising.

Crossroads

My boss has just resigned. She is someone that I have admired, as she has a good work ethic and has integrity. Her departure is a shock to me, although not unexpected, as I have sensed that she is very dissatisfied with management. Our firm is more and more focussed on profitability, at the expense of other important things. People's performance seems to be purely measured by how much profit you generate for the firm, and other contributions are not highly regarded. This was not the case one year ago.

What does her departure mean to me? Well, if I continue to stay on, I would be working under another boss who I do not like (see here, here and here) . Even though this boss and other bosses have been talking to me about supporting me and even hinting at the prospect of partnership in a few years time, these factors are not sufficient to lure me to stay, as I do not expect to be happy if I continue on. Furthermore, the size of our team has decreased so much in the past six months that I feel like I am in a sinking ship.

So what are my options?

1. Go to another firm. This is not one of my preferred options. I have been to a number of law firms already. I guess eventually they are all the same. If I do not have an aspiration for partnership, why should I continue to work in a law firm?

2. Go inhouse. A viable option, but there are not that many organisations I would enjoy working for, especially if the work is repetitive and boring. But I should look into this further.

3. Go overseas. I know my area of law is in great demand. But do I want to work those long hours overseas? If I am not here, there may even be a lower chance that my parents would be able to know Christ. So even if I go, it would be short term. Maybe I should do something for myself for once, and try doing something different.

4. Study. Bible college. Being a deacon at church has actually turned me off from studying at bible college. I would be unhappy if I am to be a pastor of a church (with the way most churches treat their pastors). What can I do when I come out of college? Maybe I don't have enough faith yet. Dunno.

5. Do something different. Cafe. Tutoring Centre. If there is a good business idea I may pursue it, but to date I have thought of nothing.

This is so hard. Do something that makes me happy? I don't even know what that is.

And among all this, what is the voice of God telling me to do? I need to listen.