God has really looked after my family during the few months following the poor diagnosis of my father. A major operation was conducted on him and for the time being, my father is stable. He is going about his every day duties now, although he gets tired a bit more easily than before. God has been wonderful in caring for me and my family. The support I have received from my Christian brothers and sisters have been enormous. During the most troublesome time, I was able to take my mind off through some contract work. My parents have began attending church. I still don't know what the future holds but I will continue to trust in the Lord.
I pray to God that my parents will accept Him soon, as time is running out. My dad's heart is still have hardened, and enjoys arguing his points more than listening. May God soften his heart.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Awestruck grief
Words cannot describe the grief that I am going through now... with the knowledge of the possibility that my father's days may be numbered very soon. Further tests need to be done for confirmation, but my mind is full of anguish and sadness, as I do not know what I should be doing now. I feel so helpless. I do not want to eat, I do not want to do anything, I just do not know what I am supposed to do. I want him to know God, so maybe I should dispel all my energies onto that course, instead of worrying about what would happen in the future.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Its over... too
How can you end up a friendship just like that?
If this was going to happen, it should happen at the beginning of the year, after the chat we had with our mediator. After that, I did not contact you for two weeks, as I did not want you to continue to be misled. But you continue to contact me, and confide in me as a friend, and you knew that our relationship was only friends. I tried so hard to treat you in a way that ensured you understood that we were just friends for the past year, and I think I have achieved this.
A few months ago, you organised a dinner with me before Christmas. You said this was important and that we should have that dinner before Christmas.
And at the dinner you told me that we should just end our friendship as emotionally you are not able to cope. Then if that's the case, then why did you continue to act in the same way for the past few months, calling me at 3am in the morning to talk to me when you were upset, and asking me for advice in relation to your life decisions?
Isn't it a bit selfish of you to dictate the terms of our friendship?
And you asked me to tell you what I think you need to improve in terms of your personality. I mentioned things which I and others can see, such as your need to be willing to "walk" with your partner on a path together (and not let him do all the work while you sit back and complain that it is all too hard). I told you that you need to be more appreciative of others (and not just superficially, or talk about your discontentment of them behind their back). You seem to not be able to take these things, and justified that you would be doing these things. I did not say anything further as you were not able to cope.
I think these are your blind spots, and that you will continue to struggle in relationships if you do not deal with these issues.
Maybe it is better this way... I don't know... I respect you as a friend so that was why I allowed you to do whatever you want in this situation. But your actions in this confirmed my comments relating to how you deal with things, and that not everyone can cope with you.
If this was going to happen, it should happen at the beginning of the year, after the chat we had with our mediator. After that, I did not contact you for two weeks, as I did not want you to continue to be misled. But you continue to contact me, and confide in me as a friend, and you knew that our relationship was only friends. I tried so hard to treat you in a way that ensured you understood that we were just friends for the past year, and I think I have achieved this.
A few months ago, you organised a dinner with me before Christmas. You said this was important and that we should have that dinner before Christmas.
And at the dinner you told me that we should just end our friendship as emotionally you are not able to cope. Then if that's the case, then why did you continue to act in the same way for the past few months, calling me at 3am in the morning to talk to me when you were upset, and asking me for advice in relation to your life decisions?
Isn't it a bit selfish of you to dictate the terms of our friendship?
And you asked me to tell you what I think you need to improve in terms of your personality. I mentioned things which I and others can see, such as your need to be willing to "walk" with your partner on a path together (and not let him do all the work while you sit back and complain that it is all too hard). I told you that you need to be more appreciative of others (and not just superficially, or talk about your discontentment of them behind their back). You seem to not be able to take these things, and justified that you would be doing these things. I did not say anything further as you were not able to cope.
I think these are your blind spots, and that you will continue to struggle in relationships if you do not deal with these issues.
Maybe it is better this way... I don't know... I respect you as a friend so that was why I allowed you to do whatever you want in this situation. But your actions in this confirmed my comments relating to how you deal with things, and that not everyone can cope with you.
It's over
Due to the economic downturn, I was asked to leave my place of employment on the same day. When this happens, it puts so much things into perspective. All those hours at work, not eating on time, working late and mentoring others do not really amount to anything in the end if the times are bad. The identity that I have associated with my work was over in an instant.
To the firm, I was just another number, maybe a very expensive number, and when profits decline, I would need to go, so as to maintain their existing level of profit.
But what they do not realise is that all of us being made to leave have to deal with so much emotions, including our sense of loss of value or shame from their actions.
There is a sense of relief from all this - my growing frustrations with my boss and the management of the firm has now come to an end. I have so much free time for myself, that I can refocus on my physical and mental health and well being.
If I have made an impact on the lives of others at my workplace, through my work ethics and personality towards others, treating all staff with respect and acting in humility, then all is not lost. The compliments I have received from my colleagues have been positive and supportive.
The other thing which surprised me about this incident is the number of friends who came to me afterwards, telling me about their past experiences in being in the same situation (which they never told others about).
The real issue now is what I should be doing from now on. This is a question I have been avoiding which I will need to address in the new year.
To the firm, I was just another number, maybe a very expensive number, and when profits decline, I would need to go, so as to maintain their existing level of profit.
But what they do not realise is that all of us being made to leave have to deal with so much emotions, including our sense of loss of value or shame from their actions.
There is a sense of relief from all this - my growing frustrations with my boss and the management of the firm has now come to an end. I have so much free time for myself, that I can refocus on my physical and mental health and well being.
If I have made an impact on the lives of others at my workplace, through my work ethics and personality towards others, treating all staff with respect and acting in humility, then all is not lost. The compliments I have received from my colleagues have been positive and supportive.
The other thing which surprised me about this incident is the number of friends who came to me afterwards, telling me about their past experiences in being in the same situation (which they never told others about).
The real issue now is what I should be doing from now on. This is a question I have been avoiding which I will need to address in the new year.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Tension
Living constantly in a tension and struggle between independence and obedience. If things have worked out differently, I would be independent by now, with dependents. I would be able to manage. But since things did not work out that way, can't I be independent? Independence does not necessarily result in disobedience, but when cultural influences are at play, it is very hard for me and them. They don't understand my need to have my personal space. This struggle has caused many arguments and disagreements, and silence on this issue doesn't mean I am not thinking about it. This is so hard to fathom.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Hardship
It is a privilege to serve God, but when I have been placed in a certain position, it is very hard to do so. People around me do not appreciate how much things I have on, and with the commencement of my new role at church, I had to prioritise my ministry with the result of refusing to serve in some areas. As a result, other people get upset at me. Why? Don't they understand the struggles I am facing in terms of my time allocation? I have so much things to do for church, and I still have to work and run my own life. Can't they just show some sense of empathy?
It is also frustrating at times, as there are so much things I know but I can't share with anyone else, either because it will adversely affect others, or because I am trying to protect my people from harsh critiscims. This is a side of minsitry which people do not understand. I have personally seen how some leaders who are big mouths tell people everything, with the result of stumbling other people, and I do not want to be like them. So I carry alot of these burdens within me, without being able to release them.
At times, it seems like I am running this race alone, but I know God is always there beside me. I will focus on the eternal glory of being with God and continue on. I pray that God will give me strength, and that I can become a stronger person through all these things.
It is also frustrating at times, as there are so much things I know but I can't share with anyone else, either because it will adversely affect others, or because I am trying to protect my people from harsh critiscims. This is a side of minsitry which people do not understand. I have personally seen how some leaders who are big mouths tell people everything, with the result of stumbling other people, and I do not want to be like them. So I carry alot of these burdens within me, without being able to release them.
At times, it seems like I am running this race alone, but I know God is always there beside me. I will focus on the eternal glory of being with God and continue on. I pray that God will give me strength, and that I can become a stronger person through all these things.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Uncertainty
My bad boss tried to introduce me to a nice Christian "girl" the other day at lunch.
I enjoyed our conversation, which was mainly focused on religious issues. She was sharing her burden for her unbelieving family, her decision to take one year out of work to do bible college and her views on various Christianity issues. But she was old, at least two or more years older than me.
Maybe my uncertainty in relationships is my desire to have in a partner the spiritual maturity of an older person without the age associated with that maturity. Maybe that is why it has been so difficult to find someone until this point in time.
The road ahead will be harder and harder if I cannot reach a compromise in relation to these features. Before long, I will be an old man, always alone, always grumbling, always by myself.
I enjoyed our conversation, which was mainly focused on religious issues. She was sharing her burden for her unbelieving family, her decision to take one year out of work to do bible college and her views on various Christianity issues. But she was old, at least two or more years older than me.
Maybe my uncertainty in relationships is my desire to have in a partner the spiritual maturity of an older person without the age associated with that maturity. Maybe that is why it has been so difficult to find someone until this point in time.
The road ahead will be harder and harder if I cannot reach a compromise in relation to these features. Before long, I will be an old man, always alone, always grumbling, always by myself.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
World Youth Day 2008
Even though there are inherent differences between Christians and Catholics, there are many similarities between the two religions. We all believe in God, the Trinity - the Father, being the creator of heaven and earth; the Son, being our Lord and Saviour and the Holy Spirit, our comforter. It is because of these similarities that we should all support World Youth Day to the extent we can.
This event brings religion to the forefront again, and we should cherish this opportunity to discuss such issues with the people around us, as the awkwardness is minimised due to this current event. We can explain our faith to others, and telling them about why we believe in Christ, and why we believe in the Holy Word of God alone.
We should learn from the devotional nature of the pilgrims, who traveled far and wide to this place, where they can worship the Lord together. We, on the other hand, struggle just to get out of bed and be at church on time.
We should make use of this time, as this type of event may not occur again anytime soon in our home town.
This event brings religion to the forefront again, and we should cherish this opportunity to discuss such issues with the people around us, as the awkwardness is minimised due to this current event. We can explain our faith to others, and telling them about why we believe in Christ, and why we believe in the Holy Word of God alone.
We should learn from the devotional nature of the pilgrims, who traveled far and wide to this place, where they can worship the Lord together. We, on the other hand, struggle just to get out of bed and be at church on time.
We should make use of this time, as this type of event may not occur again anytime soon in our home town.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Hair cuts
Well, alot of people wonder why I bother getting hair cuts since my hair is thinning and I do not have much hair left.
Well at this point in time, I still have hair growing around the side of my head, and they grow long, so I need to keep it short.
I used to get cheap haircuts, and at one stage even contemplated asking my friend to cut for me, as I know I don't have that much hair. But recently I have been going to exclusive salons to get my hair cut.
My thinking is that I may not have that much hair left in the future to go to a salon, so while I still can, I should enjoy myself.
An exclusive salon brings me relaxation with the music and the environment. The head massage given during the hair wash is fantastic. The friendliness and the service all contributes to a worthwhile experience.
And best of all, even though my hair cut is short, they spend over an hour cutting it, strand by strand with scissors, instead of using a clipper in cheap places. This makes me feel special and cherished as a customer, even though I do not have much hair.
I asked the stylist once why it takes so long for cutting such short hair, and they told me that shorter hairs require greater time to cut than longer hairs as it is important to cut in adjustment to the shape of the head (while the head of people with longer hairs are covered by the hairs). Last time, my hair cut took longer than a female friend's haircut (who had long hair).
Well at this point in time, I still have hair growing around the side of my head, and they grow long, so I need to keep it short.
I used to get cheap haircuts, and at one stage even contemplated asking my friend to cut for me, as I know I don't have that much hair. But recently I have been going to exclusive salons to get my hair cut.
My thinking is that I may not have that much hair left in the future to go to a salon, so while I still can, I should enjoy myself.
An exclusive salon brings me relaxation with the music and the environment. The head massage given during the hair wash is fantastic. The friendliness and the service all contributes to a worthwhile experience.
And best of all, even though my hair cut is short, they spend over an hour cutting it, strand by strand with scissors, instead of using a clipper in cheap places. This makes me feel special and cherished as a customer, even though I do not have much hair.
I asked the stylist once why it takes so long for cutting such short hair, and they told me that shorter hairs require greater time to cut than longer hairs as it is important to cut in adjustment to the shape of the head (while the head of people with longer hairs are covered by the hairs). Last time, my hair cut took longer than a female friend's haircut (who had long hair).
Costume party
A tip for people who are going to a costume party - dress as something that people know and can associate with, and then you will be the most popular person in the party.
I went to a cosplay party last weekend. People were dressing up as fancy game characters - Cloud from Final Fantasy, Chun Li from Street Fighter and all weird and wonderful anime characters. They purchased their costumes online, bought their swords and stuff and spent a fortune dressing up.
I went as Mario from Super Mario Bros. I bought the pants, but the rest of the items, I either had them or easily made them.
And the result? All the girls knew who I was, and wanted to take pictures with me. The other guys who dressed as fancy characters were often met with puzzled look from the girls as they do not know who they are. Most girls are not really into computer games.
It was a great night.
I went to a cosplay party last weekend. People were dressing up as fancy game characters - Cloud from Final Fantasy, Chun Li from Street Fighter and all weird and wonderful anime characters. They purchased their costumes online, bought their swords and stuff and spent a fortune dressing up.
I went as Mario from Super Mario Bros. I bought the pants, but the rest of the items, I either had them or easily made them.
And the result? All the girls knew who I was, and wanted to take pictures with me. The other guys who dressed as fancy characters were often met with puzzled look from the girls as they do not know who they are. Most girls are not really into computer games.
It was a great night.
Pay rise
It is that time of the year again, when we all await for the big envelope, with the amount of remuneration that we will be getting in the new year.
The amount to me is inconsequential, but it is a gesture of how the firm views you. They can tell you that they treasure you, but if the increase is little, then you know what they think of you.
This year, the increase was not as great as previous years. To some extent, I am disappointed. The fact that they did not round up the figure impacted me as I felt I was not appreciated. What made me more upset was the fact that the evil boss told me how much the team needed me and how much I have contributed and that I got what I asked for. This figure was not what I asked for at all.
I know the economy has been bad, and that have impacted on the work in our group, and maybe that is why our increases are not as great. But tell me straight and do not make lies to me about how great the increase was, because it was not.
As I said before, the amount is not important to me, but the level of increase is symbolic of how much I am being appreciated. If I am not appreciated, why am I still here? I would rather be at a job I enjoy and feel appreciated and earn half of my pay than staying here. The only reason I am still here is that I feel everywhere is the same, and since I am accustomed to this place and have a kind of say in what I do, I am staying put. Maybe I won't anymore and will go and try something different.
The amount to me is inconsequential, but it is a gesture of how the firm views you. They can tell you that they treasure you, but if the increase is little, then you know what they think of you.
This year, the increase was not as great as previous years. To some extent, I am disappointed. The fact that they did not round up the figure impacted me as I felt I was not appreciated. What made me more upset was the fact that the evil boss told me how much the team needed me and how much I have contributed and that I got what I asked for. This figure was not what I asked for at all.
I know the economy has been bad, and that have impacted on the work in our group, and maybe that is why our increases are not as great. But tell me straight and do not make lies to me about how great the increase was, because it was not.
As I said before, the amount is not important to me, but the level of increase is symbolic of how much I am being appreciated. If I am not appreciated, why am I still here? I would rather be at a job I enjoy and feel appreciated and earn half of my pay than staying here. The only reason I am still here is that I feel everywhere is the same, and since I am accustomed to this place and have a kind of say in what I do, I am staying put. Maybe I won't anymore and will go and try something different.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Say it to me?
If people have an issue with me, then talk to me and say it to my face. Why do they like talking to others about me? If they don't see any good in me, then stop hanging around me. Why do they pass judgment on me without confronting me? Do they think that I will not find out?
So I do one thing, and they spread false rumours. So I try to do the right thing to stop the rumours, and they say something else about my personality and integrity. It is none of their business as it never concerned them in the first place.
If they are just people who are into gossips, then I am fine with it. But when they are the people around you, I get frustrated. Why don't they just come and talk to me instead of passing their judgement on me to others? If they think I am such a bad person, then don't talk to me or pretend to be my friend. Be true to themselves. Either say it to me or don't talk to me.
So I do one thing, and they spread false rumours. So I try to do the right thing to stop the rumours, and they say something else about my personality and integrity. It is none of their business as it never concerned them in the first place.
If they are just people who are into gossips, then I am fine with it. But when they are the people around you, I get frustrated. Why don't they just come and talk to me instead of passing their judgement on me to others? If they think I am such a bad person, then don't talk to me or pretend to be my friend. Be true to themselves. Either say it to me or don't talk to me.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
True Emo
I met up with a friend tonight I have not seen for years.
To my surprise, she told me that she has a form of mental illness (which I will not disclose here).
She then explained to me how the illness has affected her, especially to the point that she is no longer able to control emotions, and she has attempted to commit suicide a few times already. Hearing her talk about her struggles, I felt really helpless and didn't know what I could do to help her. But the only thing I could do was to sit there and listen to her.
She then told me how this illness is affecting her everyday life and her relationship with others. But she is not able to disclose this to others, and she regretted telling some people already as they were not able to understand her situation, and made fun of her.
Listening to her made me realise that we really need be understanding to our friends. Who knows how many of my friends are in such situation, and I may be upset with them when their behaviour is strange without realising that they may have a valid reason behind their actions.
I have met such people before, especially with my probono work with the homeless, but when it is your friend who has the illness, its a whole different situation.
At least she is relying on God to help her through this. I pray for her recovery and ability to cope and live with this illness.
To my surprise, she told me that she has a form of mental illness (which I will not disclose here).
She then explained to me how the illness has affected her, especially to the point that she is no longer able to control emotions, and she has attempted to commit suicide a few times already. Hearing her talk about her struggles, I felt really helpless and didn't know what I could do to help her. But the only thing I could do was to sit there and listen to her.
She then told me how this illness is affecting her everyday life and her relationship with others. But she is not able to disclose this to others, and she regretted telling some people already as they were not able to understand her situation, and made fun of her.
Listening to her made me realise that we really need be understanding to our friends. Who knows how many of my friends are in such situation, and I may be upset with them when their behaviour is strange without realising that they may have a valid reason behind their actions.
I have met such people before, especially with my probono work with the homeless, but when it is your friend who has the illness, its a whole different situation.
At least she is relying on God to help her through this. I pray for her recovery and ability to cope and live with this illness.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Resolution?
Maybe finally there is some sort of resolution.
After a few weeks of not talking, we finally had a chat about ministry issues. It was kept at a very high level. And then we discussed about certain rumours about us, and it was implied that this needs to be sorted as there is no way they will eventuate. In effect, she said that to me, to which I agreed. And we agreed that we will no longer be able to share personal views and thoughts, so as to keep a clear division in our relationship and not cross the boundaries between friends and lovers.
This, in a way, is good but it feels like losing a friend and someone that I can share things with.
In relation to the other person, she has decided to try another place and her reasons are solid. Even though she said this has got nothing to do with me, I am sure I may be the catalyst or one of the reasons why she is doing so. To this, I am guilty.
It feels like I am losing two people from my life at the same time.
However, I am really grateful for the care and concern shown by certain people, and it was the right timing for me to receive a pack of cards today titled "52 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart". Thanks, guys.
After a few weeks of not talking, we finally had a chat about ministry issues. It was kept at a very high level. And then we discussed about certain rumours about us, and it was implied that this needs to be sorted as there is no way they will eventuate. In effect, she said that to me, to which I agreed. And we agreed that we will no longer be able to share personal views and thoughts, so as to keep a clear division in our relationship and not cross the boundaries between friends and lovers.
This, in a way, is good but it feels like losing a friend and someone that I can share things with.
In relation to the other person, she has decided to try another place and her reasons are solid. Even though she said this has got nothing to do with me, I am sure I may be the catalyst or one of the reasons why she is doing so. To this, I am guilty.
It feels like I am losing two people from my life at the same time.
However, I am really grateful for the care and concern shown by certain people, and it was the right timing for me to receive a pack of cards today titled "52 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart". Thanks, guys.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Mother's Day
This Mother's Day my mother and father went to a church, after a request from a family friend. I accompanied them. I was happy that they were able to go, at least it was a start for them to approach this religion.
However, I did not like the church that much. The sermon was not aimed for new comers and the preacher took things out of context. There was no gospel content even though it was supposed to be evangelistic. The pastor did not make any attempt to welcome us (although he may have to go to another service to preach). One thing which that church has is the people - friendly people who talked to us.
I was embarrassed that day as well by my family friend, who tried too hard to introduce girls to me. She asked me to give them my business card, but when I said I don't have any on me, my mom gave them my card from her purse. I was forced to sit next to one of them at the event afterwards. This was so embarrassing.
However, I did not like the church that much. The sermon was not aimed for new comers and the preacher took things out of context. There was no gospel content even though it was supposed to be evangelistic. The pastor did not make any attempt to welcome us (although he may have to go to another service to preach). One thing which that church has is the people - friendly people who talked to us.
I was embarrassed that day as well by my family friend, who tried too hard to introduce girls to me. She asked me to give them my business card, but when I said I don't have any on me, my mom gave them my card from her purse. I was forced to sit next to one of them at the event afterwards. This was so embarrassing.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Joy in light of darkness
In light of these issues, my parents have accepted an invitation from a family friend to attend her church on Mothers Day for a special event. They accepted on the proviso that I am going with them, and they thought I would not be able to go. So guess what? I told them I am able to go. Now they have to go. I really hope they will form a good impression and maybe will attend other church functions in the future so they are able to know God and accept Him.
Need to pray, pray, pray.
Need to pray, pray, pray.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Office analogy
Its been a week and nothing has progressed. It is hard not to speak to a person for a week. I missed talking to her. But I don't know if I miss her as a person or not.
I need to talk to her, but in my mind, I am still not clear what I want to do. That is why I have not confronted the issue sooner.
I know if I do not choose to be with her, the friendship will disappear.
This time I feel alone in facing this issue. It seems like noone is able to help me or they are disinterested. Maybe some people think I read too much into things, or they are annoyed and upset at me for being like this, time after time. Others may think its goof gossip material and continue to spread this to other people. I recognise that this is an area of my life which I am weak.
I was talking about this to a brother tonight who I have not seen for a while and he made some good observations about me. Here is an office analogy he used.
I am a person who likes to take several files but never open them. I give the impression that I will open them, but they always remain closed. Maybe I am too afraid of committing to one file if I open one file, so am content in the thought of owning a closed file.
I used a similar analogy about him.
He is a person who has opened a file and committed to it. But unfortunately, the file was from a prohibited area, which should not have been opened until it has been transferred to the normal area. However, at least he is trying to transfer the open file now.
We then thought of an analogy about our mutual friend.
He is a person who opens a file, then opens another one, then another one. After a few is opened, he will shut the others. But before long, new files will be opened.
He analysed other things as well and I really appreciate the conversation. Either way, I have to make a decision and resolve the issue. He is keeping me accountable and we set a date of 6 June, by which I need to have resolved all issues.
I need to pray. Really pray.
I need to talk to her, but in my mind, I am still not clear what I want to do. That is why I have not confronted the issue sooner.
I know if I do not choose to be with her, the friendship will disappear.
This time I feel alone in facing this issue. It seems like noone is able to help me or they are disinterested. Maybe some people think I read too much into things, or they are annoyed and upset at me for being like this, time after time. Others may think its goof gossip material and continue to spread this to other people. I recognise that this is an area of my life which I am weak.
I was talking about this to a brother tonight who I have not seen for a while and he made some good observations about me. Here is an office analogy he used.
I am a person who likes to take several files but never open them. I give the impression that I will open them, but they always remain closed. Maybe I am too afraid of committing to one file if I open one file, so am content in the thought of owning a closed file.
I used a similar analogy about him.
He is a person who has opened a file and committed to it. But unfortunately, the file was from a prohibited area, which should not have been opened until it has been transferred to the normal area. However, at least he is trying to transfer the open file now.
We then thought of an analogy about our mutual friend.
He is a person who opens a file, then opens another one, then another one. After a few is opened, he will shut the others. But before long, new files will be opened.
He analysed other things as well and I really appreciate the conversation. Either way, I have to make a decision and resolve the issue. He is keeping me accountable and we set a date of 6 June, by which I need to have resolved all issues.
I need to pray. Really pray.
Light relief
This is a imaginary conversation using recent song titles that me and another colleague typed up using work messenger to secretly describe a secret affair we think is happening at work.
Note: Lyrics or Song titles are marked by " "
A: "I feel so untouched right now..."
A: "Touch my body"
B: "You want a piece of me?"
A: Yea
B: OK. "4 Minutes"
[After 4 minutes]
A: "Don't stop the music"
A: "Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more"
B: No. I'm "Lovestoned".
B: "I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love".
A: Can I have a "picture of you"?
B: Here. "Don't hold back".
B: "Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it....".
Interpret this any way you wish. =)
Can anyone recognise all the songs there? List them all out with the song title and artist if you can.
Note: Lyrics or Song titles are marked by " "
A: "I feel so untouched right now..."
A: "Touch my body"
B: "You want a piece of me?"
A: Yea
B: OK. "4 Minutes"
[After 4 minutes]
A: "Don't stop the music"
A: "Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more"
B: No. I'm "Lovestoned".
B: "I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love".
A: Can I have a "picture of you"?
B: Here. "Don't hold back".
B: "Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it....".
Interpret this any way you wish. =)
Can anyone recognise all the songs there? List them all out with the song title and artist if you can.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Lost...
I have just realised I don't know what love is. What does it mean to love someone? How come people draw conclusions and force me to make decisions all the time. Can't a guy and a girl be close and yet not be in a relationship? What is wrong for me to drive her car, or talking to her on the phone each day? I care for her, but I have not thought of her in that way. Am I selfish? Am I enjoying the fruits of being in a relationship without the commitment of giving a status to the other person? Am I too afraid to take risks, and therefore not being to enjoy the full benefits? Am I being unfair to her? Why are things so hard and complicated? So am I going to lose a friend or a lover?
Noone can help me. Maybe I am not ready to be in a relationship. But I am not getting any younger. I may end up alone, rejected, despised and unwanted. Maybe I should just get lost and disappear off the face of this earth.....................................
Noone can help me. Maybe I am not ready to be in a relationship. But I am not getting any younger. I may end up alone, rejected, despised and unwanted. Maybe I should just get lost and disappear off the face of this earth.....................................
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Bond. JC Bond
It was so great to once again be involved in camp this year.
I remembered that at the very beginning, no deacon was willing to take up the camp. After much deliberation, I took it up (even though I was extremely busy), and then we had trouble finding a chairperson for the camp. It was so great to see God's provision at work, with the formation of the committee, and through the organisational process. Even though we seem disorganised at times, it was a great opportunity for alot of the younger brothers and sisters to be involved and to understand how much work goes in to organising such a camp.
I really treasured the time I have at camp this year. After a recent issue at church, our church seems to be divided again, and it was timely that our camp theme this year centred around the concept of bonding and unity. I had a time of prayer with a fellow deacon in which we prayed for the unity of the church. I had a talk with a fellow brother and it was one of the deepest conversations we had in years. Sitting around a campfire singing songs of praise to the Lord was also very encouraging.
Staying with the younger people, and getting to know them, made me realise how "old" I am. One incident I recalled was putting out the camp fire, as some of the junior high people were playing with the fire in a way which may cause danger to themselves or others (by swinging a lighted branch in the air, there may be a chance of amber falling unto them and hurting them in the process). Afterwards, a university guy told me that I should not have put out the campfire as it would have given some of the guys somewhere to go later in the night to chat. I told him my concerns about the young kids to which he responded that the risk is low. I then explained that I had to do it for caution and I have a responsibility that he was too young to understand. His response was "You are too old to have fun". It was interesting to see the different perspective at play. I guess that as we get older, we cannot be as "carefree" as we were when we were young, and young people may not be as sensitive to dangers and risks as we are.
My personal relationship issues were bothering me as well during the camp. Comments from people actually made me think about alot of things. Am I becoming a person I loathe, whose actions mislead others? Do I have too high expectations? This is the weakest area of my life and I have always not been able to handle this area as well as other areas.
As I shared at the sharing in the camp, I really hope that the camp can be a beginning for our church to experience unity and bonding, and that we will be able to apply this in our church to overcome any issues we may have.
I remembered that at the very beginning, no deacon was willing to take up the camp. After much deliberation, I took it up (even though I was extremely busy), and then we had trouble finding a chairperson for the camp. It was so great to see God's provision at work, with the formation of the committee, and through the organisational process. Even though we seem disorganised at times, it was a great opportunity for alot of the younger brothers and sisters to be involved and to understand how much work goes in to organising such a camp.
I really treasured the time I have at camp this year. After a recent issue at church, our church seems to be divided again, and it was timely that our camp theme this year centred around the concept of bonding and unity. I had a time of prayer with a fellow deacon in which we prayed for the unity of the church. I had a talk with a fellow brother and it was one of the deepest conversations we had in years. Sitting around a campfire singing songs of praise to the Lord was also very encouraging.
Staying with the younger people, and getting to know them, made me realise how "old" I am. One incident I recalled was putting out the camp fire, as some of the junior high people were playing with the fire in a way which may cause danger to themselves or others (by swinging a lighted branch in the air, there may be a chance of amber falling unto them and hurting them in the process). Afterwards, a university guy told me that I should not have put out the campfire as it would have given some of the guys somewhere to go later in the night to chat. I told him my concerns about the young kids to which he responded that the risk is low. I then explained that I had to do it for caution and I have a responsibility that he was too young to understand. His response was "You are too old to have fun". It was interesting to see the different perspective at play. I guess that as we get older, we cannot be as "carefree" as we were when we were young, and young people may not be as sensitive to dangers and risks as we are.
My personal relationship issues were bothering me as well during the camp. Comments from people actually made me think about alot of things. Am I becoming a person I loathe, whose actions mislead others? Do I have too high expectations? This is the weakest area of my life and I have always not been able to handle this area as well as other areas.
As I shared at the sharing in the camp, I really hope that the camp can be a beginning for our church to experience unity and bonding, and that we will be able to apply this in our church to overcome any issues we may have.
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