Tension

Living constantly in a tension and struggle between independence and obedience. If things have worked out differently, I would be independent by now, with dependents. I would be able to manage. But since things did not work out that way, can't I be independent? Independence does not necessarily result in disobedience, but when cultural influences are at play, it is very hard for me and them. They don't understand my need to have my personal space. This struggle has caused many arguments and disagreements, and silence on this issue doesn't mean I am not thinking about it. This is so hard to fathom.

Hardship

It is a privilege to serve God, but when I have been placed in a certain position, it is very hard to do so. People around me do not appreciate how much things I have on, and with the commencement of my new role at church, I had to prioritise my ministry with the result of refusing to serve in some areas. As a result, other people get upset at me. Why? Don't they understand the struggles I am facing in terms of my time allocation? I have so much things to do for church, and I still have to work and run my own life. Can't they just show some sense of empathy?

It is also frustrating at times, as there are so much things I know but I can't share with anyone else, either because it will adversely affect others, or because I am trying to protect my people from harsh critiscims. This is a side of minsitry which people do not understand. I have personally seen how some leaders who are big mouths tell people everything, with the result of stumbling other people, and I do not want to be like them. So I carry alot of these burdens within me, without being able to release them.

At times, it seems like I am running this race alone, but I know God is always there beside me. I will focus on the eternal glory of being with God and continue on. I pray that God will give me strength, and that I can become a stronger person through all these things.